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some people believe that after child enters School their teachers influence more than the parents to what extent do you agree or disagree

Some people believe that after a child enters school their teachers will have more influence than their parents. v. 3
The majority of parents think that the influence of teachers on their children is more powerful. Overall, I wholeheartedly disagree with this statement because parents and teachers have a completely different impact on children's upbringing where parents play a more essential role. Firstly, few people can deny the fact that parents influence children since birth, therefore children enter school with some base of behavior, which they bring from home. Teachers most complain, for example, on home upbringing because some pupils come rude and mischievous. Likewise, have been noticed by many teachers that throughout the entire educational process behaviors of pupils have been unchanging. Consequently, parents always have a crucial role on children, even when they are in school. Moreover, throughout all educational processes teachers have been developing students some social skills as a part of an educational program and demands of studying. In my school, for instance, we had an "Ethic" subject that consisted of common social rules, additionally all teachers are demanding discipline and complying hierarchy. Therefore, the influence of teachers has more common character than parents one, because teachers teach common rules of society for  groups of young people, whereas parents give traditions, habits and even point of view on many things for a child. Thus, teachers cannot have more influence due to they have completely different types of impact and time. To conclude, all the time that children enter school parents bother about many factors and one is the upbringing of their children, inasmuch as teachers play some role in this process. Nevertheless, parents miss a small detail that children spend half of day in educational establishments where they are studying in groups, thereby teachers cannot have enough time for teaching an individual person. Hence, I believe that parents have the most powerful effect on children.
The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is more powerful.
Overall
, I
wholeheartedly
disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have a completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
impact on children's upbringing where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a more essential role.

Firstly
, few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can deny the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
since birth,
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enter school with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
base of behavior, which they bring from home.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
most complain,
for example
, on home upbringing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pupils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
rude and mischievous.
Likewise
, have
been noticed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
that throughout the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
process behaviors of pupils have been unchanging.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
always have a crucial role on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, even when they are in school.

Moreover
, throughout all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
processes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have been developing students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as a part of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
program and demands of studying. In my school,
for instance
, we had an
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Ethic
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
subject that consisted of common social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
,
additionally
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are demanding discipline and complying hierarchy.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
has more common character than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
one,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
teach common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of society for
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
groups of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
give traditions, habits and even point of view on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things for a child.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
cannot have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
due to they have completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of impact and time.

To conclude
, all the time that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enter school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
bother about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors and one is the upbringing of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, inasmuch as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
role in this process.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
miss a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
detail that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend half of day in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
establishments where they are studying in groups, thereby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
cannot have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for teaching an individual person.
Hence
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have the most powerful effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay some people believe that after child enters School their teachers influence more than the parents

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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