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Some people think that zoos are all cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion. v.4

Some people think that zoos are all cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. v. 4
Zoos still remain as one of the entertainment options for people. Some assert that they are ruthless towards animals and should be shut down, while others think that they contribute to animal welfare. In my opinion, most of them dreadfully affect animals. On the one hand, even if I admit that zoos are atrocious and severe to animals, some of them still have benefits. Firstly, they provide animals with food and water supplies so that they do not need to hunt for each other and wander around in order to find water. For instance, when they are in habitat, predators can easily hurt and eat other endangered animals and as a result, they significantly reduce their number. Secondly, some wildlife parks are able to create all necessary conditions for animals’ reproduction. A case in point is zoos in China. Though pandas are threatened and their number has considerably decreased in the last century, zoo employees recently managed to increase their number. On the other hand, there are many persuasive arguments why zoos should be closed. The first reason to consider is workers' inferior attitude towards animals. Unfortunately, nowadays a lot of animals are punished and beat in order to be tamed. Zoo owners forget about their feelings, cubs, and the fact that they were not born to be caged. Another factor to review is rough and undesirable conditions. Most of the zoos from all over the world provide animals with poor circumstances, such as cages, space limitations, and the lack of habitat. Finally, while it is fun and educational for people, most of the animals feel inconvenient among people staring at them and taking their photographs. Consequently, animals can get furious and pounce on them. To conclude, all animals should be protected and provided with good conditions. As most of the zoos are cruel to animals and not similar enough to their natural habitat, they should be closed, albeit some of them have great and auspicious conditions.
Zoos
still
remain as one of the entertainment options for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
assert that they are ruthless towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and should
be shut
down, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they contribute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
welfare. In my opinion, most of them
dreadfully
affect animals.

On the one hand, even if I admit that zoos are atrocious and severe to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
still
have benefits.
Firstly
, they provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
with food and water supplies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not need to hunt for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and wander around in order to find water.
For instance
, when they are in habitat, predators can
easily
hurt and eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
endangered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
as a result
, they
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their number.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
wildlife parks are able to create all necessary conditions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
reproduction. A case in point is zoos in China. Though pandas
are threatened
and their number has
considerably
decreased in the last century, zoo employees recently managed to increase their number.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
persuasive arguments why zoos should
be closed
. The
first
reason to consider is workers' inferior attitude towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. Unfortunately, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are punished
and beat in order to
be tamed
. Zoo owners forget about their feelings, cubs, and the fact that they were not born to
be caged
. Another factor to review is rough and undesirable conditions. Most of the zoos from all over the world provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
with poor circumstances, such as cages, space limitations, and the lack of habitat.
Finally
, while it is fun and educational for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
feel inconvenient among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
staring at them and taking their photographs.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
furious and pounce on them.

To conclude
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should
be protected
and provided with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
conditions. As most of the zoos are cruel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and not similar
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to their natural habitat, they should
be closed
, albeit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them have great and auspicious conditions.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think that zoos are all cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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