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2019-12-07: Task 2 Some people think it is more important to spend time in developing a successful career while others think it is more important to spend time with friends and family. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

2019-12-07: Task 2 Some people think it is more important to spend time in developing a successful career while others think it is more important to spend time with friends and family. v. 1
Time and tide wait for no man, and hence people have numerous ideology on how making the best use of their time. Moreover, there is a school of thought which believes that a person should give more preference to family and friends, whereas others think that an individual should give more priority to future plans. In my opinion, both are of equal importance in life. In this essay, we shall discuss this topic further. On one hand, there are loved ones which play a significant role in supporting as well as guiding an individual throughout various aspects of life. For instance, families and friends motivate an individual to be the best version of themselves as well as nurture them during the time of hardships. Additionally, they give you a reason to achieve something. However, a career is crucial to provide sustenance for a family. On the other hand, there are times in which a person has to plan and acknowledge the things around to shape their future in the most efficient way possible. Furthermore, this provides an assurance and motive in life. For example, a sound plan teaches the individual more about their capability and endurance, and also helps them to be more organised and attentive in case of any future setbacks. In addition to this, an individual cannot achieve the true essence of success when they could not share with their friends and family. In conclusion, one cannot clap with just one hand; therefore it is the joint effort of well planned career and the support of the near ones that delivers the best outcome for a person. Nevertheless, a balance is always necessary prosperity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
and tide wait for no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
, and
hence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have numerous ideology on how making the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Moreover
, there is a school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
which believes that a person should give more preference to family and friends, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
should give more priority to future plans. In my opinion, both are of equal importance in life. In this essay, we shall discuss this topic
further
.

On one hand, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
which play a significant role in supporting
as well
as guiding an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
throughout various aspects of life.
For instance
, families and friends motivate an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to be the best version of themselves
as well
as nurture them during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of hardships.
Additionally
, they give you a reason to achieve something.
However
, a career is crucial to provide sustenance for a family.

On the other hand
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
in which a person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
plan and acknowledge the things around to shape their future in the most efficient way possible.
Furthermore
, this provides an assurance and motive in life.
For example
, a sound plan teaches the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
more about their capability and endurance, and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to be more
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
and attentive in case of any future setbacks.
In addition
to this, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
cannot achieve the true essence of success when they could not share with their friends and family.

In conclusion
, one cannot clap with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one hand;
therefore
it is the joint effort of well planned career and the support of the near
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
that delivers the best outcome for a person.
Nevertheless
, a balance is always necessary prosperity.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 2019-12-07: Task 2 Some people think it is more important to spend time in developing a successful career while others think it is more important to spend time with friends and family. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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