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More and more people are buying a wide range of household goods. Do you think it is a negative or positive development? v.3

More and more people are buying a wide range of household goods. Do you think it is a negative or positive development? v. 3
Nowadays there is an increasing number of people are fond of buying household electrical appliances such as television, microwave oven and rice cooker. This phenomenon both have advantages and disadvantages, and I think it has more positive effects than negative effects. There is no evidence that too many electrical devices would waste a lot of electric power, especially for those appliances which need power supplication continuously, such as air conditions and refrigerators. These wastes are approximately happened in every family. Furthermore, people really like to buy kinds of appliances, especially when new patterns come out, residents would like to replace the old ones as new ones. That is not only led to waste money but also generate new rubbish, which is not friendly to the environment. However, the positive development of buying household cannot be ignored. It may represent citizens are more careful about their life quality than before, in old days many people are worrying about survival, so they couldn't afford to other things except food. In addition, appliances give a life easy way for a nowadays' citizen, with supported by high technology, people's life are more convenient and comfortable. Economy is increased by people's consume, our society is built on economical currents, consumers' purchasing is essential part. When people would like to afford appliances means this country's economy is in a good condition. To sum up, although some people are arguing that buying wide range of households may bring power waste and environmental harmful, advanced technology may resolve these problems. In my opinion, I think buying households still a positive development.
Nowadays there is an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are fond of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
electrical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
such as television, microwave oven and rice cooker. This phenomenon both have advantages and disadvantages, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.

There is no evidence that too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
electrical devices would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
electric power,
especially
for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
which need power supplication
continuously
, such as air conditions and refrigerators. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wastes
are approximately happened in every family.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
really
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
,
especially
when new patterns
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out, residents would like to replace the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ones as new ones.
That is
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
led to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
generate new rubbish, which is not friendly to the environment.

However
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. It may represent citizens are more careful about their life quality than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are worrying about survival,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they couldn't afford to other things except food.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
give a life easy way for a nowadays' citizen, with supported by high technology,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life are more convenient and comfortable. Economy
is increased
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's consume, our society
is built
on economical currents, consumers' purchasing is essential part.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would like to afford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
means this country's economy is in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition.

To sum up, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are arguing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
may bring power
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
and environmental harmful, advanced technology may resolve these problems. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
still
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay More and more people are buying a wide range of household goods. Do you think it is a negative or positive development? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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