Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that women should be able to join the army, navy or air forces like what men do. Others think that only men should do thatTo what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that women should be able to join the army, navy or air forces like what men do. Others think that only men should do that v. 2
Opinion are divided on whether women are allowed to take a mission in the military like men or they should not do that. I wholeheartedly agree this former opinion. The first idea need to be consideration is that most people should bear in mind that a weak physical health of women is a main reason why they cannot do the army. However, there is a variety jobs that not related to flight back the enemy in battle filed such as cook, nurse, etc, this means they are able to support their solider behind the stage. Furthermore, thank to development of technique, many people are equipped the mechanical combat suits or an unpiloted aircraft, etc, in the war and it is not require more strength to flight like the past of time. The second point is that there were many evidences in the past show that the woman who undertake protecting the freedom by going against the enemy, the so-called “ Hai Ba Trung” in historical Viet Nam could exemplify precisely is consider to be the unsung hero of the war. This is because they flight back the people who attacked in Vietnamese from china around two years. Another example is that Mu Lan being a person from china disguise men to take part in military in 19 century. Hence, those who claim that female have never had a place in the military are wrong. in conclusion, I strongly believe that there are no exaggeration to said that women is necessary to contribute to serve the army, navy or air forces like men do.
Opinion
are divided
on whether women are
allowed
to take a mission in the military like
men or
they should not do that. I
wholeheartedly
agree
this former opinion.

The
first
idea
need to be consideration is that most
people
should bear in mind that a weak physical health of women is a main reason why they cannot do the army.
However
, there is a variety jobs that not related to flight back the enemy in battle filed such as cook, nurse, etc, this means they are able to support their solider behind the stage.
Furthermore
, thank to development of technique,
many
people
are equipped
the mechanical combat suits or an
unpiloted
aircraft, etc, in the war and it is not
require
more strength to flight like the past of time.

The second point is that there were
many
evidences in the past
show
that the woman who undertake protecting the freedom by going against the enemy, the
so
-called
Hai
Ba
Trung
” in historical
Viet
Nam could exemplify
precisely
is
consider
to be the unsung hero of the war. This is
because
they flight back the
people
who attacked in Vietnamese from
china
around two years. Another example is that Mu
Lan
being a person from
china
disguise
men
to
take part
in military in
19 century
.
Hence
, those who claim
that female have
never had a place in the military are
wrong
.

in
conclusion, I
strongly
believe that there are no exaggeration to said that women is necessary to contribute to serve the army, navy or air forces like
men
do.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that women should be able to join the army, navy or air forces like what men do. Others think that only men should do that v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts