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Some parents go abroad for work, taking their families with themDo the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of keeping pets for individuals and for society? v.2

Some parents go abroad for work, taking their families with themDo the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of keeping pets for individuals and for society? v. 2
It is the fact that those who take their children and spouses when they go oversea to work. I definitely believe that the disadvantages are eclipsed by the advantages. As can be seen that going abroad with their families become drawbacks in term of secure and living conditions. With regard to the first idea, some spouses may take their children to a war-torn country, which means they are likely to put their sons and daughter in danger because of high crime rates such as Afghanistan. The second point that need to be consideration is that working oversea could be escalated standard of living for themselves related to public services such as commuting for far-away distance, schools being of poor quality. In spite of the aforementioned arguments, there are more substantial benefits for people going abroad for work due to children’s development. More specially, when the children moving with their parents to new country, they have an opportunity to have insight about new culture and tradition. Which means that they are able to learn a new languages from new one, then it could be a head start over the others who just lived in only one country. Furthermore, they find themselves challenge to approach traditional values to cultivate knowledge as well as experience. To sum up, although there are some disadvantages for family members if they go out of their nation for work when they get a lucrative jobs in foreign country. I would argue that the advantages are far greater.
It is the fact that those who take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and spouses when they go oversea to work. I definitely believe that the disadvantages
are eclipsed
by the advantages.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that going abroad with their families become drawbacks in term of secure and living conditions. With regard to the
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
spouses may take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to a war-torn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, which means they are likely to put their sons and daughter in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of high crime rates such as Afghanistan. The second point that need to be consideration is that working oversea could
be escalated
standard of living for themselves related to public services such as commuting for far-away distance, schools being of poor quality.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the aforementioned arguments, there are more substantial benefits for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
going abroad for work due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development. More
specially
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
moving with their parents to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they have an opportunity to have insight about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
culture and tradition. Which means that they are able to learn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "language"?
languages
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
one, then it could be a head
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
over the others who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Furthermore
, they find themselves challenge
Did you mean "approaching"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'challenge' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to approach
traditional values to cultivate knowledge
as well
as experience.

To sum up, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages for family members if they go out of their nation for work when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a lucrative
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "job"?
jobs
in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. I would argue that the advantages are far greater.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents go abroad for work, taking their families with themDo the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of keeping pets for individuals and for society? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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