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Nowadays people get married and have kids in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Do you agree or disagree that this trend will benefit society? v.2

Nowadays people get married and have kids in their thirties rather than when they are younger. that this trend will benefit society? v. 2
Nowadays, people’s lifestyles have been changed dramatically as a requirement of their hectic lifestyle. Late marriage has sparked a heated debate among people of societies. Although contested by many that this matter is highly beneficial, such issue is regarded thoroughly constructive and positive in terms of economy and psychology by a substantial number of individuals. I am inclined that marriage in older age can be a plus, and I will analyze that throughout this essay. From an economic standpoint, late marriage can provide the society with a boom in the economy. People in the age less than thirty are energetic and can work for a longer time which leads to a more productive society. As an example, when I was a university student, I performed an academic experiment which discovered single young people are more efficient and productive. Thus a late marriage could be considered a positive phenomenon in a society. Within the realm of social psychology, a healthy society is the one with healthy children not only in the term of body health but also in terms of psychological health. Children raised under the stable economic situation are psychologically healthier than unprivileged ones. Parents who married over thirty have a more stable economic situation since they usually used their youth to develop their life financially. As a result, they can offer a safer and less stressful life to their children which are essential to raising a child psychologically healthy. This demonstrates the importance of late marriage. In conclusion, marriage over thirty could provide the society with some positive effects such as an economic boost of the society and promotion of psychological health in society.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
lifestyles have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
as a requirement of their hectic lifestyle.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
has sparked a heated debate among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
. Although contested by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that this matter is
highly
beneficial, such issue
is regarded
thoroughly
constructive and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
in terms of economy and psychology by a substantial number of individuals. I
am inclined
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
in older age can be a plus, and I will analyze that throughout this essay.

From an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
standpoint,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
can provide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
with a boom in the economy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in the age less than thirty are energetic and can work for a longer time which leads to a more productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. As an example, when I was a university student, I performed an academic experiment which discovered single young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more efficient and productive.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
could
be considered
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
phenomenon in a society.

Within the realm of social psychology, a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is the one with healthy children not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the term of body health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in terms of psychological health. Children raised under the stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
situation are
psychologically
healthier than unprivileged ones. Parents who married over thirty have a more stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
situation since they
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their youth to develop their life
financially
.
As a result
, they can offer a safer and less stressful life to their children which are essential to raising a child
psychologically
healthy. This demonstrates the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
late
marriage.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
over thirty could provide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects such as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
boost of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and promotion of psychological health in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Nowadays people get married and have kids in their thirties rather than when they are younger. that this trend will benefit society? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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