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In many countries, women are able to join the armed forces now on the equal basis of men. However, some people think only men should be members of the army, navy and air force. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

In many countries, women are able to join the armed forces now on the equal basis of men. However, some people think only men should be members of the army, navy and air force. v. 2
Stepping into the 21st century, women have embarked on different careers in all walks of life and have become a pivotal role in the world development. However, whether military conscription should only be applicable to men or not has long been debated without conclusive conclusion. As for me, it is my fervent conviction that women merit equal recognition and serious considerations in the military forces. To commence with, there is a counter-argument that women are physically less advantaged in comparison with men. In this sense, exposure to tough work in the military may plague women and physical injuries are thus well-documented in many cases. However, since human is enjoying one of the greatest technological boom times, advancement in the field of military means that a higher premium is being placed on other skills that women are undoubtedly capable of, not just physical strength. It is evident that women are blessed with intellectual and cognitive skills, which are of enormous importance to the forces. Paradoxically, some women who are qualified are kept out of the military. Another reason why women should participate in the armed force is rooted in the fact that such move can serve as a spirited fightback against the on-going inequality among men and women. There is no disputing the fact that as life has become increasingly more sophisticated compared to the primitive time, the line between jobs targeted at men and that at women is blurred and should not be made clear-cut. It is no exaggeration to say that entitling a particular task to a subject is unaligned with the philosophy of the contemporary society and can represent a setback in human evolution. In conclusion, the idea that woman cannot serve in the armed force is inarguably fallacious and unfounded. Conversely, it would, without doubt, be more advisable for military conscription to be based on social, physical and psychological ground, rather than gender.
Stepping into the 21st century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have embarked on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
careers in all walks of life and have become a pivotal role in the world development.
However
, whether military conscription should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be applicable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
or not has long
been debated
without conclusive conclusion. As for me, it is my fervent conviction that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
merit equal recognition and serious considerations in the military forces.

To commence with, there is a counter-argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
physically
less advantaged
in comparison
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. In this sense, exposure to tough work in the military may plague
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and physical injuries are
thus
well-documented in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases.
However
, since human is enjoying one of the greatest technological boom times, advancement in the field of military means that a higher premium is
being placed
on other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
undoubtedly
capable of, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
physical strength. It is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are blessed
with intellectual and cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which are of enormous importance to the forces.
Paradoxically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who
are qualified
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
out of the military.

Another reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should participate in the armed force
is rooted
in the fact that such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
can serve as a spirited fightback against the
Did you mean "ongoing"?
on-going
inequality among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. There is no disputing the fact that as life has become
increasingly
more sophisticated compared to the primitive time, the line between jobs targeted at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and that at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is blurred
and should not
be made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
. It is no exaggeration to say that entitling a particular task to a subject
is unaligned
with the philosophy of the contemporary society and can represent a setback in human evolution.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that woman cannot serve in the armed force is
inarguably
fallacious and unfounded.
Conversely
, it would, without doubt, be more advisable for military conscription to
be based
on social, physical and psychological ground,
rather
than gender.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, women are able to join the armed forces now on the equal basis of men. However, some people think only men should be members of the army, navy and air force. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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