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Some people think that women should be able to join the army, navy or air forces like what men do. Others think that only men should do thatTo what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that women should be able to join the army, navy or air forces like what men do. Others think that only men should do that v. 1
IT IS CONSIDERED BY SOME PEOPLE THAT ATTAINING HANDWRITING SKILL IS IMPORTANT WHILE OTHERS BELIEVE THAT THERE IS NO SUCH DIRE NEED TO DEVELOP HANDWRITING. THIS ESSAY DISCUSSES BOTH THESE VIEWS. I STRONGLY FEEL THAT DEVELOPING HANDWRITING SKILL IS AS PIVOTAL AS HIS OVERALL PERSONALITY. ACQUIRING HANDWRITING AS SKILL HAS MANY BENEFITS IN LONG TERM LIFE. FIRSTLY, SCHOOL IS THE PLACE WHERE OVERALL DEVELOPMENT OF A CHILD IS OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE. IN THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES LIKE INDIA, PAKISTAN, THE OLD SCHOOL METHOD OF EXAMINATION IS STILL PREVALENT WHICH REQUIRES PAPER BASED APPROACH. AND TO SECURE TOP RANK A NEAT AND TIDY HANDWRITING ADDS ON TO THE SCORE. SECONDLY, HANDWRITING HELPS IN SCALING UP OF FINE MOTOR SKILLS AND COGNITIVE THINKING ABILITY  AS WHEN A PERSON WRITES HE TENDS TO THINK MORE AND IS ABLE TO PUT HIS EXPRESSIONS IN A BETTER WAY. LASTLY, HANDWRITING MAKES A CHILD MORE PROFICIENT IN LANGUAGE DUE TO HIS EARLY LEARNING CYCLE. IN RECENT STUDIES, IT IS FOUND THAT CHILDREN WHOSE HANDWRITING IS GOOD TEND TO HAVE A SHARP MEMORY THAN THOSE WHO DO NOT HAVE. ALSO, IT IS EVIDENT FROM STUDIES THAT CHILDREN WITH REGULAR PRACTICE OF WRITING HAVE INCREASE CHANCE OF GETTING ADMISSION INTO TOP RANK UNIVERSITIES. ALTHOUGH IN TODAY'S TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCED SCENARIO, PUTTING EFFORTS TO UP-SCALE HANDWRITING IS CONSIDERED AS WASTE OF TIME, HOWEVER, THIS HAS MANY DISADVANTAGES TOO. FIRSTLY, IN DEVELOPED COUNTRIES, WHERE CHILDREN ARE TAUGHT TO USE DESKTOPS FOR TAKING NOTES, TO COMPLETE ASSIGNMENTS AND PROJECTS. HOWEVER, SINCE IT IS ALL IN CENTRAL PROCESSING UNIT OF COMPUTER WHICH IS MACHINE BASED AND HAS CHANCES TO CRASH AT ANY POINT IN TIME LEADING LOSS OF IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS. SECONDLY, WITH THE ADVANCED RESEARCH AND AWARENESS ON DEGRADATION OF ENVIRONMENT,  CUTTING OF TREES TO MAKE PAPER FURTHER ADDS ON TO THE USE OF TECHNOLOGICAL GADGETS. FINALLY KEEPING IN MIND THE TIME CONSTRAINT CHILDREN OUGHT TO USE COMPUTERS MORE EFFICIENTLY THAN PAPER BASED WRITING. IT IS UNDERSTOOD THAT TECHNOLOGY HAS AFFECTED OUR LIVES BY LEAPS AND BOUNDS, AND HAS REPLACED MANUAL LABOUR WITH ALL THE TECHNOLOGY STILL I WOULD STAND WITH OPINION TO DEVELOP HANDWRITING SKILL AMONG CHILDREN DURING THEIR EARLY SCHOOL DAYS. THIS WILL HAVE AN POSITIVE IMPACT ON THE LIFE OF A CHILD AND WILL HELP IN HIS OVERALL GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT.
IT
IS CONSIDERED
BY
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
THAT ATTAINING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HANDWRITING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SKILL
IS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
IMPORTANT
WHILE OTHERS BELIEVE THAT THERE IS NO SUCH DIRE NEED TO DEVELOP
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HANDWRITING
. THIS ESSAY DISCUSSES BOTH THESE VIEWS. I
STRONGLY
FEEL THAT DEVELOPING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HANDWRITING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SKILL
IS AS PIVOTAL AS HIS
OVERALL
PERSONALITY.

ACQUIRING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HANDWRITING
AS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SKILL
HAS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
BENEFITS IN LONG TERM LIFE.
FIRSTLY
, SCHOOL IS THE PLACE WHERE
OVERALL
DEVELOPMENT OF A CHILD IS OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE. IN THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES LIKE INDIA, PAKISTAN, THE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
OLD
SCHOOL METHOD OF EXAMINATION IS
STILL
PREVALENT WHICH REQUIRES PAPER BASED APPROACH. AND TO SECURE TOP RANK A NEAT AND TIDY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HANDWRITING
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ADDS
ON TO THE SCORE.
SECONDLY
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HANDWRITING
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELPS
IN SCALING UP OF FINE MOTOR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SKILLS
AND COGNITIVE THINKING ABILITY
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
AS WHEN A PERSON WRITES HE TENDS TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
THINK
MORE AND IS ABLE TO PUT HIS EXPRESSIONS IN A BETTER WAY.
LASTLY
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HANDWRITING
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKES
A CHILD MORE PROFICIENT IN LANGUAGE DUE TO HIS EARLY LEARNING CYCLE. IN RECENT STUDIES, IT
IS FOUND
THAT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CHILDREN
WHOSE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HANDWRITING
IS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOOD
TEND TO HAVE A SHARP MEMORY THAN THOSE WHO DO NOT HAVE.
ALSO
, IT IS EVIDENT FROM STUDIES THAT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CHILDREN
WITH REGULAR PRACTICE OF WRITING HAVE INCREASE CHANCE OF GETTING ADMISSION INTO TOP RANK UNIVERSITIES.

ALTHOUGH IN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
TODAY
'S TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCED SCENARIO, PUTTING EFFORTS TO UP-SCALE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HANDWRITING
IS CONSIDERED
AS WASTE OF TIME,
HOWEVER
, THIS HAS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
DISADVANTAGES TOO.
FIRSTLY
, IN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
DEVELOPED COUNTRIES
, WHERE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CHILDREN
ARE TAUGHT
TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
DESKTOPS FOR TAKING NOTES, TO COMPLETE ASSIGNMENTS AND PROJECTS.
HOWEVER
, SINCE IT IS ALL IN CENTRAL PROCESSING UNIT OF COMPUTER WHICH IS MACHINE BASED AND HAS CHANCES TO CRASH AT ANY POINT IN TIME LEADING LOSS OF
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
IMPORTANT
DOCUMENTS.
SECONDLY
, WITH THE ADVANCED RESEARCH AND AWARENESS ON DEGRADATION OF ENVIRONMENT,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
CUTTING OF TREES TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
PAPER
FURTHER
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ADDS
ON TO THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
OF TECHNOLOGICAL GADGETS.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
FINALLY
KEEPING IN MIND THE TIME CONSTRAINT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CHILDREN
OUGHT TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
COMPUTERS MORE
EFFICIENTLY
THAN PAPER BASED WRITING.

IT
IS UNDERSTOOD
THAT TECHNOLOGY HAS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
AFFECTED
OUR
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LIVES
BY LEAPS AND BOUNDS, AND HAS REPLACED MANUAL
Possible spelling mistake. 'LABOUR' is British English.
LABOUR
WITH ALL THE TECHNOLOGY
STILL
I WOULD STAND WITH OPINION TO DEVELOP
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HANDWRITING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SKILL
AMONG
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CHILDREN
DURING THEIR EARLY SCHOOL DAYS. THIS WILL HAVE AN
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
POSITIVE
IMPACT ON THE LIFE OF A CHILD AND WILL
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELP
IN HIS
OVERALL
GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people think that women should be able to join the army, navy or air forces like what men do. Others think that only men should do that v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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