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Demand for gas and oil is increasing and so finding new sources in remote and untouched areas is a necessity Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages v.2

Demand for gas and oil is increasing and so finding new sources in remote and untouched areas is a necessity Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages v. 2
New lifestyles and modern technologies require more energy than ever before. The immediate consequence of this is more fossil fuel sources have to be discovered which means discoveries in areas where have not been touched before. Although it provides more sources of energy, its harm to the environment is greater and may cause the extinction of many living creatures. Fossil fuels are the main source of energy in our world. Modern technologies such as computers and robots are fed with energy. The World Bank has predicted that the increment in need for energy by 40% in the next few years. Therefore finding new sources for fossil fuels is essential to be able to cope with this increment. As a consequence more areas have to be covered in search operations for fuels especially where no discovery has been done before. For many, new discoveries on virgin areas means a tremendous thread for the environment. Digging a new oil well will destroy the plants around it and also kills almost every animal around it. Most of the species in danger live in areas where no discovery has been done until now. Therefore, any activities there will be catastrophic and kill the surrounded environment. In conclusion, although the need for more energy requires to search in new areas for new fossil fuel sources, the damage that it causes to the environment is enormous and has to be avoided. Therefore, it is recommended to harvest more energy from wind and sun which are sustainable and environment-friendly.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
lifestyles and modern technologies require more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. The immediate consequence of this is more fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be discovered
which means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discoveries
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
where have not
been touched
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Although it provides more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
, its harm to the environment is greater and may cause the extinction of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
living creatures.

Fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
are the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
in our world. Modern technologies such as computers and robots
are fed
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
. The World Bank has predicted that the increment in need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
by 40% in the
next
few years.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
for fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
is essential to be able to cope with this increment. As a consequence more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be covered
in search operations for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
especially
where no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discovery
has
been done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discoveries
on virgin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
means a tremendous thread for the environment. Digging a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
oil well will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the plants around it and
also
kills almost every animal around it. Most of the species in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
where no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discovery
has
been done
until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
Therefore
, any activities there will be catastrophic and kill the surrounded environment.

In conclusion
, although the need for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
requires
Did you mean "searching"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to search
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
, the damage that it causes to the environment is enormous and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be avoided
.
Therefore
, it
is recommended
to harvest more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
from wind and sun which are sustainable and environment-friendly.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Demand for gas and oil is increasing and so finding new sources in remote and untouched areas is a necessity Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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