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Some people think that wild animals should not be kept in zoos. Others believe that there are some good reasons for having zoos. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that wild animals should not be kept in zoos. Others believe that there are some good reasons for having zoos. v. 2
In modern life, some of the animals face extinction because of habitat degradation so that animal parks where various animals are saved from extinction are debated as an appropriate place for wild animals. There are valid opinions on both sides, which I will discuss here. On the one hand, wild animals will get much stress in captivity because they can not express all their behavior in this place. For example, the elephant enclosures which do not fit for them will make them get boredom. If these wild animals feel stress, their behavior can change such as more aggressive. Furthermore, every wild species have different size of their territories but they can not have it in animal parks. Another reason is climate concerns since each wild animals dwell in the area’s wildlife with different climate pattern and various weather such as tropics for a rainforest ecosystem. When they are captive animals which are housed in indoor enclosures but they actually lead in outdoor areas, its animals will be susceptible to illness and moral problem. On the other hand, the zoological garden is also used to research wild animals’ behavior and health so that when they suffer illness in the wild, vets can heal them. It is believed that animal’s different behavior is crucial information nowadays to help their survival in their habitat because of habitat degradation and habitat fragmentation lately. Zoos such as safari parks are a proper place for wild animals on the verge of extinction as they are spared a threat of death, for instance, hunters or predators. It is said that animals are bred in captivity so that their population can increase. Overall, confining wild animals is not the best way because they will feel bored and maybe the weather in captivity is not suitable for their lives although zoos can be used to conduct animal researches which are very useful for animals itself.
In modern life,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
face extinction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habitat
degradation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
parks where various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are saved
from extinction
are debated
as an appropriate place for wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. There are valid opinions on both sides, which I will discuss here.

On the one hand, wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in captivity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can not express all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
in this place.
For example
, the elephant enclosures which do not fit for them will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
boredom. If these wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
such as more aggressive.
Furthermore
, every wild species have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
size of their territories
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can not have it in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
parks. Another reason is climate concerns since each wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
dwell in the area’s wildlife with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
climate pattern and various weather such as tropics for a rainforest ecosystem. When they are captive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which
are housed
in indoor enclosures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they actually lead in outdoor areas, its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
will be susceptible to illness and moral problem.

On the other hand
, the zoological garden is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to research wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
and health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that when they suffer illness in the wild, vets can heal them. It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
is crucial information nowadays to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their survival in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habitat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habitat
degradation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habitat
fragmentation lately. Zoos such as safari parks are a proper place for wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
on the verge of extinction as they
are spared
a threat of death,
for instance
, hunters or predators. It
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are bred
in captivity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their population can increase.

Overall
, confining wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is not the best way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will feel bored and maybe the weather in captivity is not suitable for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
although zoos can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to conduct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
researches which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
itself.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people think that wild animals should not be kept in zoos. Others believe that there are some good reasons for having zoos. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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