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would you prefer to have a higher paying job with longer hours or lower paying job with shorter hours? use details and examples to support your explanation. v.1

would you prefer to have a higher paying job with longer hours or lower paying job with shorter hours? use details and examples to support your explanation. v. 1
How much freedom a child should be given and what sort of punishment could be used to control them is a matter of great concern. Undeniably, too much freedom and lack of necessary control often lead youngsters to go astray while too much punishment makes them dull and less creative. I personally believe that punishment is meant to help children learn lessons and that is why certain punishments that do not involve beating the children is useful. To begin with, early childhood experience and the lessons have lasting impacts on someone’s life and that is why parents and teachers should try their best to teach morality and good qualities to children. Children are curious and sometimes less mature to understand certain harmful effects of doing something while every father and mother want the offspring to become an ideal and exemplary person in life. They often need to use certain punishment to teach a valuable lesson to a youngster and the sole purpose of this punishment should be teaching a morality, should not be driven by any sort of personal anger or frustration. Physically beating a boy or a girl is in no way should be used as there are far better ways of punishing a child to teach him something. While physical punishment is no longer used in most of the developed countries, it could still be found in underdeveloped countries. This form of punishment, in my opinion, should not be used. More effective penalties could be not talking to the child for a misconduct or not taking him to the playground for a day or two. Similarly, parents could refrain from awarding the child with chocolate or toys and reminding the child why he does not deserve those. If parents have a friendly relationship with the children and simply expressing their frustration for an act of the child, that would work like the magic. From my personal experience, I can say that I took matters more seriously when my father stopped talking to me for a certain period for something he disliked about me and I vowed many times to myself not to do that again. To conclude, punishment is necessary to teach children morality and help them learn to distinguish good things from bad ones. However, this punishment should not be physically, rather psychological and practical.
How much freedom a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
and what sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to control them is a matter of great concern.
Undeniably
, too much freedom and lack of necessary control
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lead youngsters to go astray while too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them dull and less creative. I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is meant
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn lessons and
that is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
that do not involve beating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is useful.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, early childhood experience and the lessons have lasting impacts on someone’s life and
that is
why parents and teachers should try their best to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
morality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
qualities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are curious and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
less mature to understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
harmful effects of doing something while every father and mother want the offspring to become an ideal and exemplary person in life. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
a valuable lesson to a youngster and the sole purpose of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
should be teaching a morality, should not
be driven
by any sort of personal anger or frustration.
Physically
beating a boy or a girl is in no way should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as there are far better ways of punishing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
him something.

While physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is no longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, it could
still
be found
in underdeveloped countries. This form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
, in my opinion, should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
. More effective penalties could be not talking to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
for a misconduct or not taking him to the playground for a day or two.
Similarly
, parents could refrain from awarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
with chocolate or toys and reminding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
why he does not deserve those. If parents have a friendly relationship with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
simply
expressing their frustration for an act of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, that would work like the magic. From my personal experience, I can say that I took matters more
seriously
when my father
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
talking to me for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
period for something he disliked about me and I vowed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times to myself not to do that again.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
morality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them learn to distinguish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
ones.
However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
should not be
physically
,
rather
psychological and practical.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay would you prefer to have a higher paying job with longer hours or lower paying job with shorter hours? use details and examples to support your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
388 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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