Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In many modern societies, grandchildren spend any time with their grandparents. What do you think are the consequences of this? v.1

In many modern societies, grandchildren spend any time with their grandparents. What do you think are the consequences of this? v. 1
Reasons for being happy vary among people. Certain people believe that having a lot of money is the major reason behind Happiness. I will discuss how money makes people happy and other cause of happiness in this essay in great detail. I believe travelling makes people happy because it is a chance to freshen the mind from monotony of our day to day work. They will also know about different culture and have the experience of meeting new people and their lifestyle. Obviously, travelling need a lot of money especially if one is travelling abroad. For example, I made a plan with my friends to visit Dubai for a week, but we couldn’t go because we were short on budget. Moreover, there are other reasons behind contentment. One is that people can afford to buy healthy foods, exercise at the gym and have a healthy lifestyle. For example, there are many fruits, like pomegranate, apples, kiwis etc. Which contain vitamins, and other nutrients which are necessary for human body and many people cannot afford to buy it. Hence, they have deficiencies of these basic nutrients which make them ill. Other things which make people happy are spending time with family, friends and other relatives. For example, in the event of wedding ceremony, all relatives and friends gather and spend time with each other. They talk, dance and eat together, which I think brings contentment among them. In conclusion, I think money plays an important role in life and it is basic and essential part of our life. Apart from money, having family and friends can bring happiness in life.
Reasons for being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
vary among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the major reason behind Happiness. I will discuss how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cause of happiness in this essay in great detail.

I believe travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a chance to freshen the mind from monotony of our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
work. They will
also
know about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture and have the experience of meeting new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their lifestyle.
Obviously
, travelling need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
especially
if one is travelling abroad.
For example
, I made a plan with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
to visit Dubai for a week,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we couldn’t go
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we were short on budget.

Moreover
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reasons behind contentment. One is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
healthy foods, exercise at the gym and have a healthy lifestyle.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fruits, like pomegranate, apples, kiwis etc. Which contain vitamins, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nutrients which are necessary for human body and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it.
Hence
, they have deficiencies of these basic nutrients which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them ill.

Other things which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
are spending time with family,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
relatives.
For example
, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
of wedding ceremony, all relatives and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
gather and spend time with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. They talk, dance and eat together, which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
brings contentment among them.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in life and it is basic and essential part of our life. Apart from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, having family and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
can bring happiness in life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many modern societies, grandchildren spend any time with their grandparents. What do you think are the consequences of this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
269 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts