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Some people think that we live in a society where money and possessions are given too much importance. Others believe that this is improving our lives. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that we live in a society where money and possessions are given too much importance. Others believe that this is improving our lives. v. 1
Owing to the fact that women are much competent as men, their work remain underappreciated compared to men, regardless of their various sacrifices. In my opinion, I disagree that a woman's potentials is in the home, because of the similar anatomy in relation to a man and ability to multitask. Firstly, the human anatomy of a male and female are the same. In other words, there is no difference in the body composition of both parties. The organs and major parts of the body needed for a male to survive are also present in a female. In addition, it is crystal clear that a woman should be given the opportunity to leverage on her skills and potentials because she can practically think, analyse and gather information in the same process that the opposite gender does. For example, in the recent Guinness Book of Records for the world strongest man and woman, the weight of 250kg was lifted by both sex. This further proved that if women are given the same spotlight as men, their performance will be equal. Another point to consider is the higher level of the female gender to multitask and perform more difficult jobs. Female species have the ability to carry out various tasks and duty simultaneously. However, these attributes are absent in males, this is due to the fact that they have a small capacity to focus on various things at a time. Although juggling activities at home is good, but if they are channelled to the body of knowledge it would serve for a greater good. For instance, in Nigeria the National Assembly increased the ratio of women in the upper house and it was proven by the National Bureau of Statistics that the performance of the upper house increased by 30%. In conclusion, some school of thoughts are of the opinion that women are meant to be at home. I believe that the anatomy similarities in both gender and the characteristics of women to juggle task proves that a woman is meant for more.
Owing to the fact that
women
are much competent as
men
, their work remain underappreciated compared to
men
, regardless of their various sacrifices. In my opinion, I disagree that a woman's potentials is in the home,
because
of the similar anatomy in relation to a
man
and ability to multitask.

Firstly
, the human anatomy of a male and
female
are the same.
In other words
, there is no difference in the body composition of both parties. The organs and major parts of the body needed for a male to survive are
also
present in a
female
.
In addition
, it is crystal
clear
that a woman should be
given
the opportunity to leverage on her
skills
and potentials
because
she can
practically
think
,
analyse
and gather information in the same process that the opposite gender does.
For example
, in the recent Guinness Book of Records for the world strongest
man
and woman, the weight of
250kg
was lifted
by both sex. This
further
proved that if
women
are
given
the same spotlight as
men
, their performance will be equal.

Another point to consider is the higher level of the
female
gender to multitask and perform more difficult jobs.
Female
species have the ability to carry out various tasks and duty
simultaneously
.
However
, these attributes are absent in males,
this is due to the fact that
they have a
small
capacity to focus on various things at a time. Although juggling activities at home is
good
,
but
if they
are channelled
to the body of knowledge it would serve for a greater
good
.
For instance
, in Nigeria the National Assembly increased the ratio of
women
in the upper
house
and it
was proven
by the National Bureau of Statistics that the performance of the upper
house
increased by 30%.

In conclusion
,
some
school of thoughts are of the opinion that
women
are meant
to be at home. I believe that the anatomy similarities in both gender and the characteristics of
women
to juggle task proves that a woman
is meant
for more.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think that we live in a society where money and possessions are given too much importance. Others believe that this is improving our lives. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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