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Some people think that watching sport is a waste of leisure time. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people think that watching sport is a waste of leisure time. v. 3
The time during which a person is neither work nor performs his duties is called leisure time. It is true that the wise use of leisure time always helped people to achieve their future goals. Therefore, I strongly agreed that leisure time must not be a waste in watching sports. (49) We had seen in the past that people mostly do some kind of physical activities in their leisure time. Even the old age people used their free time to make them healthy and fit. Thus, our ancestors, although enjoy their leisure time, but never spoil it in watching sports. (49) Presently, the trend of watching sport during leisure time is becoming more and more common. This is because of several reasons. For example, those who are working in industries for long hours really do not like to go outside during their free time because they are too much tired. Similarly, many people who are addicted from gatherings also want to spend their free time at homes while watching sports. However, this phenomenon is not only wasting the precious time of people, but also moving them towards a state of restlessness with several health issues like eyes infection and headache. (99) The recent development in science and technology has enabled the people to perform various healthy activities like walk on the fitness machine during their free time. Thus, if the people keep on adapting better options during leisure time, then our new generation will surely be more progressive. (46) Hence, I strongly believed that leisure time must be utilized in healthy physical activities instead of wasting it in watching sports. (21)
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
during which a person is neither work nor performs his duties
is called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. It is true that the wise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to achieve their future goals.
Therefore
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be a waste in watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. (49)

We had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the past that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mostly
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of physical activities in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Even the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them healthy and fit.
Thus
, our ancestors, although enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
never spoil it in watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. (49)

Presently
, the trend of watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is becoming more and more common. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several reasons.
For example
, those who are working in industries for long hours
really
do not like to go outside during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are too much tired.
Similarly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are addicted
from gatherings
also
want to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at homes while watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
However
, this phenomenon is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
wasting the precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
moving them towards a state of restlessness with several health issues like eyes infection and headache. (99)

The recent development in science and technology has enabled the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to perform various healthy activities like walk on the fitness machine during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Thus
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on adapting better options during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, then our new generation will
surely
be more progressive. (46)

Hence
, I
strongly
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be utilized
in healthy physical activities
instead
of wasting it in watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. (21)
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people think that watching sport is a waste of leisure time. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
270 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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