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If a product is sold and people buy it, then advertising is not necessary and can be considered a kind of entertainment. Do you agree or disagree with this? v.3

If a product is sold and people buy it, then advertising is not necessary and can be considered a kind of entertainment. with this? v. 3
An announcement intended to inform people about a specific product, service or employment opportunity is known as advertisement. Advertisements play an important role in achieving the sales target of any product. Thus, I strongly agreed that advertisements are necessary to aware customers about the pros and cons of any product or service. (52) We had seen in the past that people buy all the products and services directly from markets or institutions. There was no concept of advertisements in many parts of the world until the invention of information technology in the 19th century. (40) Presently, the trend of advertisement is spreading all over the world. Nowadays, advertisements are necessary in order to attract the attention of customers towards new products and services. For example, all the mobile companies used massive advertisements to motivate consumers towards new models of cell phone with latest features. Similarly, in the garments industry, advertisements not only inform people about the new design and latest fashion, but also play a major role in attaining their sales target. (76) The recent development in Science and information technology has enabled the people to buy any product online over the internet. All the international brands have advertised their products online in order to facilitate the people. Thus, if the people keep on buying advertised products, then it will surely become a compulsory element in the sale of any product in near future. (61) Thus, I strongly believed that advertisements are a great source of getting consumer’s attention and to achieve sales targets of any product even if the product is sold and people buy it. (32)
An announcement intended to inform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
or employment opportunity
is known
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in achieving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
target of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
Thus
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are necessary to aware customers about the pros and cons of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
. (52)

We had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the past that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
directly
from markets or institutions. There was no concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world until the invention of information technology in the 19th century. (40)

Presently
, the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is spreading all over the world. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are necessary in order to attract the attention of customers towards new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
For example
, all the mobile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
massive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
to motivate consumers towards new models of cell phone with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
features.
Similarly
, in the
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "garments'" or "garment's"?
garments
industry,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
inform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the new design and latest fashion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
play a major role in attaining their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
target. (76)

The recent development in Science and information technology has enabled the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
online over the internet. All the international brands have advertised their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
online in order to facilitate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Thus
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on buying advertised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, then it will
surely
become a compulsory element in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
in near future. (61)

Thus
, I
strongly
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are a great source of getting consumer’s attention and to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
targets of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
even if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is sold
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it. (32)
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay If a product is sold and people buy it, then advertising is not necessary and can be considered a kind of entertainment. with this? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
267 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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