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Some people think that watching sport in leisure time is a waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that watching sport in leisure time is a waste of time. v. 1
According to some people, spending free time by watching a particular sport is just killing precious hours. However, I disagree with the statement as in my opinion, it is a useful activity and has many benefits of its own. To begin with, by watching sports in leisure time, one can learn several things such as cooperation and team spirit. Sports teams exhibit a tremendous level of team spirit that one can apply in one’s daily life. Also, while watching the game, we can gain immense knowledge about it. Moreover, watching sports with our loved ones is a great opportunity to spend some quality moment with them. Better still, cheering together for our favourite squad brings us closer. Hence, watching sports offers many benefits that are much needed in every sphere of life. Sports lovers often have role models that fascinate them the most. One tries to copy them and follow their secrets to stay fit and ultimately gets benefited by adopting healthy lifestyles. Some of them get inspired and choose sports as their career. For example, the present captain of the Indian Cricket unit Mahinder Singh Dhoni was inspired by former captain Sunil Gavasker and dreamt of becoming like him. With a substantial amount of dedication and hard work he achieved it. So, there are many such stories where a particular sport has inspired people. In conclusion, watching sports at leisure time is a good way of spending hour and for some people this hobby may even turn into a career. So, people should encourage their children to develop an interest in sport by watching it and participating in it whenever possible.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, spending free time by watching a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
killing precious hours.
However
, I disagree with the statement as in my opinion, it is a useful activity and has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, by watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in leisure time, one can learn several things such as cooperation and team spirit.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "Sport teams" or "Sports team".
Sports teams
exhibit a tremendous level of team spirit that one can apply in one’s daily life.
Also
, while watching the game, we can gain immense knowledge about it.
Moreover
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
with our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
is a great opportunity to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality moment with them. Better
still
, cheering together for our
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
squad brings us closer.
Hence
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits that are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
much needed
in every sphere of life.

Sports lovers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have role models that fascinate them the most. One tries to copy them and follow their secrets to stay fit and
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
benefited by adopting healthy lifestyles.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspired and choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as their career.
For example
, the present captain of the Indian Cricket unit
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mahinder
Singh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dhoni
was inspired
by former captain Sunil
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gavasker
and dreamt of becoming like him. With a substantial amount of dedication and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work he achieved it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
such stories where a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
has inspired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at leisure time is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way of spending hour and for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
this hobby may even turn into a career.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should encourage their children to develop an interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
by watching it and participating in it whenever possible.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people think that watching sport in leisure time is a waste of time. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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