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Some people think that watching sport is a waste of leisure time. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that watching sport is a waste of leisure time. v. 2
In recent days, most of people have passed the time on the television, particularly watching sports channels at their free time. This essay agrees that the watching sports channel takes away valuable time and the channels does not improve beneficial affection. In the new century, people need more time in their rush lives, thus the time is the most important part of our lifestyle. For instance, the majority cannot find any time for improving their personal skills.  Thus, some employers working too many hours until gaining more free time. Therefore, they can find a personal education, such as learning a language, listening to some beneficial music or discovering special subjects about their jobs in the library. The second effect is the using time proactively. Two beneficial preferences pass time tv or without tv. First and important part of watching tv is channel preferences. For instance, the channel number size is huge and the viewer should find out trusted channel such as documentaries, sci-fi, and news which teaches new information about life. The second preference is out of television, which is extended with human social interest, such as promenade time in the parks, playing poker, drinking alcohol with friendships, walking on coastal and watching skies. A recent study has shown that watching sports channel has an effect on brain cells rather than other activities. In short, our important life is very short for wasting of time, particularly watching sport channels. Moreover, we steer our time to beneficial activities to improve our personal skills.
In recent days, most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have passed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the television,
particularly
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
at their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that the watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channel
takes away valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beneficial
affection.

In the new century,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in their rush
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
thus
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our lifestyle.
For instance
, the majority cannot find any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for improving their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.  
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employers working too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours until gaining more free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Therefore
, they can find a personal education, such as learning a language, listening to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beneficial
music or discovering special subjects about their jobs in the library.

The second effect is the using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
proactively
. Two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beneficial
preferences pass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
or without
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
.
First
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channel
preferences.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channel
number size is huge and the viewer should find out trusted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channel
such as documentaries, sci-fi, and news which teaches new information about life. The second preference is out of television, which
is extended
with human social interest, such as promenade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the parks, playing poker, drinking alcohol with friendships, walking on coastal and watching skies. A recent study has shown that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channel
has an effect on brain cells
rather
than other activities.

In short, our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
life is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short for wasting of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
particularly
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
.
Moreover
, we steer our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beneficial
activities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that watching sport is a waste of leisure time. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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