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Some people think that violent films and videogames have negative effects on people and should be banned Others think that they are just relaxation sources Discuss both sides and give opinion v.1

Some people think that violent films and videogames have negative effects on people and should be banned Others think that they are just relaxation sources 1
At present, the majority of nations are concerned about increasing misbehaviour by their pupils at school and universities. Undoubtedly, the lack of parental advice and modernization is the root of why students are becoming rude and aggressive. However, like any other issue, this complex problem can also be tackled. The foremost reason is, the lack of parental advice because modernization made both parents' busier than ever before. As a result, parents are failing to teach their offspring how to behave in general, which leads to disrespect, to teachers and other students at school. Furthermore, a vast distance between parents and students could generate adverse effects on students' minds. For example, in 2015, The Indian Educational Council (TIEC) found out that, 1 out of 3 students whose father and mother are full-time employees, tend to oppose school rules frequently, as compared to 1 out of 8 in 1989. In addition, advancements in technology, such as mobile phones and computers, have a detrimental effect on students' attitudes. Of course, parental advice and spending valuable time with children could result in a humongous improvement in behaviour. Besides parents, teachers should also need to show some kindness to students at that can strengthen the bond of the teacher-student. Moreover, it is true that modern technology has tremendous advantages to society, though, some majors should be taken before giving permission to students. For example, the Korean government strictly banned the use of mobile phones for under 19 pupils. To summarise, I would not underestimate the concern of students' behaviour as they are the future of the blue planet. Therefore, it is important that every parent and teacher tackle this situation with very polite. In parallel, authorities should have to pass strong legislation toward electronic use.
At present, the majority of nations
are concerned
about increasing
Possible spelling mistake. 'misbehaviour' is British English.
misbehaviour
by their pupils at school and universities.
Undoubtedly
, the lack of parental advice and modernization is the root of why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are becoming rude and aggressive.
However
, like any other issue, this complex problem can
also
be tackled
.

The foremost reason is, the lack of parental advice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
modernization made both parents' busier than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are failing to teach their offspring how to behave
in general
, which leads to disrespect, to teachers and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at school.
Furthermore
, a vast distance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could generate adverse effects on students' minds.
For example
, in 2015, The Indian Educational Council (
Possible spelling mistake found.
TIEC
) found out that, 1 out of 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
whose father and mother are full-time employees, tend to oppose school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
frequently
, as compared to 1 out of 8 in 1989.
In addition
, advancements in technology, such as mobile phones and computers, have a detrimental effect on students' attitudes.

Of course
, parental advice and spending valuable time with children could result in a humongous improvement in
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, teachers should
also
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kindness to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at that can strengthen the bond of the teacher-student.
Moreover
, it is true that modern technology has tremendous advantages to society, though,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
majors should
be taken
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
giving permission to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For example
, the Korean
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
strictly
banned the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile phones for under 19 pupils.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, I would not underestimate the concern of students'
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
as they are the future of the blue planet.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
and teacher tackle this situation with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
polite. In parallel, authorities should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pass strong legislation toward electronic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that violent films and videogames have negative effects on people and should be banned Others think that they are just relaxation sources 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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