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Films and computer games containing violence are popular. Some people say they have negative effect on society and should be banned. Others say they are just harmless relaxation. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Films and computer games containing violence are popular. Some people say they have negative effect on society and should be banned. Others say they are just harmless relaxation. v. 1
Nowadays, it is undeniable that, due to the ubiquity of high-tech gadgets, film and computer games are very popular and majority of these contains violence. Some people acclaim that negative effects of this trend surpassing positive sides and authorities should restrict or banned. In my opinion, their influence on people is deleterious, and hence, they should be regulated. On the one hand, some scientist believed that, watching slasher movies, or playing some action or war games which contains violence is a good way for relaxation. Since, during the day, different things happen to people and some of them could be frustrate them. In these cases, the violent films, serials and online games would be helpful for relieving stress and feeling more confident and sense of rage will be more controllable. On the other hand, surpassing of positive sides by negative sides is undeniable. Violence contained games and movies have a harmful effect for everyone, but according to the scientists, children affect twice as much as than others. This is possible root of some problems, such as bullying, truancy, juvenile delinquency and peer pressure. For example, in the California a child after watching The Joker movie, took his father’s gun, pretended like Joker and shoot his close knit friend. In addition, this movie or game culture would diminish the ethical values and sense of compassion in the teenagers, which may adversely affect the nurturing of a healthy future generation. Therefore, these factors appear to be a valid reason for curbing of these kind of films and games. In conclusion, people may have different opinions about the depiction of violence on television and in video games. In my opinion, violent content ought to be censured due to the majority of negative effects
Nowadays, it is undeniable that, due to the ubiquity of high-tech gadgets, film and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular and
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
these contains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
acclaim that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of this trend surpassing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides and authorities should restrict or banned. In my opinion, their influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is deleterious, and
hence
, they should
be regulated
.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scientist believed that, watching slasher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
, or playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
action or war
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which contains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way for relaxation. Since, during the day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things happen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them could be
Consider using the past participle "frustrated"?
frustrate
them. In these cases, the violent films, serials and online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
would be helpful for relieving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and feeling more confident and sense of rage will be more controllable.

On the other hand
, surpassing of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides is undeniable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Violence
contained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
have a harmful effect for everyone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
according to the scientists, children affect twice as much
Use "(as)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
as
than others. This is possible root of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems, such as bullying, truancy, juvenile delinquency and peer pressure.
For example
, in the California a child after watching The Joker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
, took his father’s gun, pretended like Joker and shoot his
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
close knit
friend.
In addition
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
or game culture would diminish the ethical values and sense of compassion in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, which may
adversely
affect the nurturing of a healthy future generation.
Therefore
, these factors appear to be a valid reason for curbing of
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of films and games.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions about the depiction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on television and in video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. In my opinion, violent content ought to
be censured
due to the majority of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
effects
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Films and computer games containing violence are popular. Some people say they have negative effect on society and should be banned. Others say they are just harmless relaxation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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