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Some people think that travel is necessary to learn about other nations others however think that tv and internet is best way to learn discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people think that travel is necessary to learn about other nations others however think that tv and internet is best way to learn 1
These days, competition is involved in all major aspects of life from education to career prospects, which are also the prime causes of high working hours. Due to which there are many health issues like stress. Moreover, financial struggles are also major concerns for this illness. But what are solutions to tackle these issues? In this essay I will discuss some causes of the issue and propose solutions. Firstly, employees of an organisation work competitively for the success, they often want to achieve high roles with an increased hike in their field. As a result of this, many people work for long hours, adding additional burden to their mind. Secondly, workers usually have to complete the assigned work on time. Furthermore, crossing deadlines can result in huge pressure from higher management and colleagues. For example, many software organizations relate employees work with wages, making work complicated. The solution is for the employment organizations to monitor mental stress of people frequently and allowing the workers to spend more time with family. Additionally, government's should implement flexible pay options by not relating it to work. Another reason for this illness is hectic study hours in the schools, most of the schools do not allow their students to play, as their sports hours are replaced with study plans. Generally, different children learn things at different level, but teachers teach with the same pace to the complete class. Hence, with the approaching exam dates, students develop fear in their mind resulting in fatigue. Parents should allow their children to play with friends. In addition to this school's should understand the capabilities of students by encouraging them with extra help. Lastly, Financial issues are also serious issues of mental fatigue. Many people due to low wages and high spendings often lend money from different sources and feel burdened to repay. This causes families to adjust on the limited resources along with growing tension in the mind. Governments should introduce schemes for poor people like no interest loans and subsidized food materials. To sum up, many people, despite having money and fame, they develop tensions due to health and family problems. However, career and income issues are the major reasons for mental stress. In my opinion, everyone in the world has some kind of problem, they should overcome these problems by daily exercises and meditation apart from this family support is also key in difficult situations.
These days, competition
is involved
in all major aspects of life from education to career prospects, which are
also
the prime causes of high working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. Due to which there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Moreover
, financial struggles are
also
major concerns for this illness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
what are solutions to tackle these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
? In this essay I will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
and propose solutions.

Firstly
, employees of an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
competitively
for the success, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
want to achieve high roles with an increased hike in their field.
As a result
of this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, adding additional burden to their mind.
Secondly
, workers
usually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
complete the assigned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on time.
Furthermore
, crossing deadlines can result in huge pressure from higher management and colleagues.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
software
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organizations
relate employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with wages, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
complicated. The solution is for the employment
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organizations
to monitor mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
frequently
and allowing the workers to spend more time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's should implement flexible pay options by not relating it to work.

Another reason for this illness is hectic study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in the schools, most of the schools do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their students to play, as their sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
are replaced
with study plans.
Generally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
children learn things at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
level,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
teachers teach with the same pace to the complete
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
Hence
, with the approaching exam dates, students develop fear in their mind resulting in fatigue. Parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their children to play with friends.
In addition
to this school's should understand the capabilities of students by encouraging them with extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

Lastly
, Financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
are
also
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
of mental fatigue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to low wages and high spendings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lend money from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sources and feel burdened to repay. This causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
to adjust on the limited resources along with growing tension in the mind.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should introduce schemes for poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like no interest loans and subsidized food materials.

To sum up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, despite having money and fame, they develop tensions due to health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
problems.
However
, career and income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
are the major reasons for mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. In my opinion, everyone in the world has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of problem, they should overcome these problems by daily exercises and meditation apart from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
support is
also
key in difficult situations.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Some people think that travel is necessary to learn about other nations others however think that tv and internet is best way to learn 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
400 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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