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Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. to what extend do you agree, give your own opinion. v.14

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. v. 14
Today’s world has been divided into developing and industrialised countries where the main difference of them is the amount of money spend on education, health and infrastructure. It is debatable whether developing fortunate countries become their authority or others. To my perspective, opulent nations should partake to solve poor nations problems’ because they have more resource to deal with the challenge First of all, Rich countries have more funds to assist poor nation programs' in building infrastructure, reducing poverty and improving the quality of human resources. For example, Australian Government gives scholarship to Indonesian Citizens. By studying abroad, people from developing countries will get more knowledge and will have a chance to build their networking. So that, after finishing their study, they go back to their country and apply what they have learnt. Additionally, building infrastructure is essential to open isolate areas so local inhabitants can go somewhere and do such economic activities. Regarding with this, mostly poorer nations do not have enough financial supports. Therefore, grant from wealthy countries becomes a good way to deal with the problem. On the other hand, because of the assistance, this sometimes makes the poor less independent. They do not think how to survive and fulfil their daily needs, but only consider about the aid. For instance, to get some social assistance, there are some requirements such as citizen identity and birth certificate. However, people are lazy to arrange and consider all of this are government duties’. To sum up, I believe that it would be great for developed countries to help poor countries in dealing with crucial problems nowadays such as poverty and education. This means the responsibility becomes both countries. Government, the private sector and societies should be aware to solve the issue together.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s world has
been divided
into developing and
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialised' is British English.
industrialised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where the main difference of them is the amount of money spend on education, health and infrastructure. It is debatable whether developing fortunate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
become their authority or others. To my perspective, opulent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should partake to solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
problems’
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have more resource to deal with the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
challenge


This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have more funds to assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
programs' in building infrastructure, reducing poverty and improving the quality of human resources.
For example
, Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
gives scholarship to Indonesian Citizens. By studying abroad,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more knowledge and will have a chance to build their networking.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, after finishing their study, they go back to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and apply what they have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
.
Additionally
, building infrastructure is essential to open isolate areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
local inhabitants can go somewhere and do such economic activities. Regarding with this,
mostly
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
financial supports.
Therefore
, grant from wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
becomes a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to deal with the problem.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the assistance, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
less independent. They do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
how to survive and fulfil their daily needs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Did you mean simply "consider the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
consider about the
aid.
For instance
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social assistance, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
requirements such as citizen identity and birth certificate.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are lazy to arrange and consider all of this are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
duties’.

To sum up, I believe that it would be great for developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in dealing with crucial problems nowadays such as poverty and education. This means the responsibility becomes both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
, the private sector and societies should be aware to solve the issue together.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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