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Many offendres commit more crimes after serving the first punishment, why this is happening and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem v.1

Many offendres commit more crimes after serving the first punishment, why this is happening and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem v. 1
It is common at the present time to see people getting updates on the latest news from the internet rather than the traditional method of reading a newspaper. I would argue that electronic sources of news will gradually replace that of the newspaper Newspapers remain an important source of news for several reasons. The first of these is that the older generation still prefer to read their news this way, which is because they have traditionally bought a newspaper over the years and they do not wish to change their habit or simply do not know how to do that online in some cases. In addition, newspapers usually come with other supplements, such as magazines, television guides, and sources of entertainment, such as crosswords. This makes it more attractive than going online for some people. However, although newspapers may not disappear completely, the Internet is likely to become the more dominant source of news over time. This is primarily because younger people tend to read the news online and prefers not to pay for it, so those reading newspapers, the older generations, will gradually decline. Eventually, media companies will start to see a decreasing income from newspapers, and printing them will become unprofitable and they will be forced to find ways to make money from news online. For instance, many newspaper demand annual subscription to be paid to access their articles online. In conclusion, although people still buy and read newspapers, they will gradually be replaced by the desire to read the news through electronic sources. This may be a sad loss given their history, but unfortunately it is an unavoidable development.
It is common at the present time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
getting updates on the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
from the internet
rather
than the traditional method of reading a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
. I would argue that electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
will
gradually
replace that of the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
newspaper


Newspapers remain an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
for several reasons. The
first
of these is that the older generation
still
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
this way, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
traditionally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
over the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
years and
they do not wish to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their habit or
simply
do not know how to do that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with other supplements, such as magazines, television guides, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of entertainment, such as crosswords. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it more attractive than going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
may not disappear completely, the Internet is likely to become the more dominant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
over time. This is
primarily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and prefers not to pay for it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
those reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
, the older generations, will
gradually
decline.
Eventually
, media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a decreasing income from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
, and printing them will become
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
unprofitable and
they will
be forced
to find ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
demand annual subscription to
be paid
to access their articles online.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
, they will
gradually
be replaced
by the desire to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
through electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
. This may be a sad loss
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
their history,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unfortunately it is an unavoidable development.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Many offendres commit more crimes after serving the first punishment, why this is happening and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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