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Some people think that to spend or enjoy money once they earn it, but others think that to save the money and to enjoy it in the future. What stand do you agree with and Why? Give the specific reasons and examples which support your opinion. v.1

Some people think that to spend or enjoy money once they earn it, but others think that to save the money and to enjoy it in the future. What stand do you agree with and Why? Give the specific reasons and examples which support your opinion. v. 1
When we think about how many special days in a year we can find out numerous answers such as a wedding anniversary, birthday or gender reveals. Recently organizing a special event has been popular which can be super expensive. While some people can think it is worth, others can not. Celebrating special days is a widespread habit for most of the rich family. Because they love to show their form of life and there is no limit to make that happen and organizing firms are ready to do this in various concepts. This situation makes people a challenge between them, especially women who think that is so important for social life. They can compare their parties which can be a demonstration of how much they wealth. Besides, some people make money to show this adorable life by advertising on social media that gets shared the details where they have gotten from. On the other hand, people that don't prefer to celebrate special events think that it is not a necessity. Two examples can be given to support that idea. First, they can make dreams come true instead of doing such as changing the decoration of home, going to another city or helping someone. These things are not temporary on the contrary permanent investment. Secondly, they cannot afford that because of low income. In my opinion, spending money on a special celebration is waste. Because earning money is not easy. I am living by knowing it. Instead of those celebrations, I prefer to go to another city to explore unknown places. That is worth it!
When we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
days in a year we can find out numerous answers such as a wedding anniversary, birthday or gender reveals. Recently organizing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
has been popular which can be super expensive. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is worth, others can not.

Celebrating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
days is a widespread habit for most of the rich family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their form of life and there is no limit to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
that happen and organizing firms are ready to do this in various concepts. This situation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a challenge between them,
especially
women who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for social life. They can compare their parties which can be a demonstration of how much
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they wealth
.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
this adorable life by advertising on social media that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
shared the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
where they have gotten from.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that don't prefer to celebrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that it is not a necessity. Two examples can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to support that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
First
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
dreams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true
instead
of doing such as changing the decoration of home, going to another city or helping someone. These things are not temporary
on the contrary
permanent investment.
Secondly
, they cannot afford that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of low income.

In my opinion, spending money on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
celebration is waste.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
earning money is not easy. I am living by knowing it.
Instead
of those celebrations, I prefer to go to another city to explore unknown places.
That is
worth it!
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that to spend or enjoy money once they earn it, but others think that to save the money and to enjoy it in the future. What stand do you agree with and Why? Give the specific reasons and examples which support your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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