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Some people think that to spend or enjoy money once they earn it, but others think that to save the money and to enjoy it in the future. What stand do you agree with and Why? Give the specific reasons and examples which support your opinion. v.2

Some people think that to spend or enjoy money once they earn it, but others think that to save the money and to enjoy it in the future. What stand do you agree with and Why? Give the specific reasons and examples which support your opinion. v. 2
Money in the form of currency notes acts as an indispensable necessity for the people to survive in their precious lives, however some individuals opine, it is better for them to utilize earning money immediately but I completely disagree with this notion because saving money is an effective method for the individuals, due to this, they become able to flourish their circumstances, especially in the upcoming future. To commence with, needs and preferences pertained to the future can be easily fulfilled through the reserve part of finance. As, sometimes it is become essential for the parents to arrange the currency notes for their offsprings related to the educational qualification. For instance, a survey was conducted by the researchers which showed, a student who will receive maximum knowledge through the high level courses, can only become able to achieve a high status, these types of scenario push the progenitors to adopt this measure mainly for their children' s life which can make their surroundings more convivial. In addition to this, retained money can make the future life less complicated in comparison with the present time. This is because, distinct types of occasion can be arised in the futuristic world and they can be able to enjoy this enticing moment with least tension. For example, in a few countries, it is commonly seen that the individuals have to spend a large amount of finance on marriage functions, so this type of obstacle can be perfectly abbreviated through this peculiar measure of saving money from the income. To conclude, money is become a first and last step to accomplish every work upto an end point. Although, the people have faced a lot of problems during the present time for the adoption of this method, but still the government should take other steps to make people more aware about it because it can make their future life more enjoyable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
in the form of currency notes acts as an indispensable necessity for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to survive in their precious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
however
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals opine, it is better for them to utilize earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
immediately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I completely disagree with this notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is an effective method for the individuals, due to this, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
able to flourish their circumstances,
especially
in the upcoming future.

To commence with, needs and preferences pertained to the future can be
easily
fulfilled through the reserve part of finance. As,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
essential for the parents to arrange the currency notes for their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
related to the educational qualification.
For instance
, a survey
was conducted
by the researchers which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
, a student who will receive maximum knowledge through the high level courses, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
able to achieve a high status, these types of scenario push the progenitors to adopt this measure
mainly
for their
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s life which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their surroundings more convivial.

In addition
to this, retained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the future life less complicated
in comparison
with the present time. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, distinct types of occasion can be
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "arose", the past tense form of the verb 'arise'?
arised
in the futuristic
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
they can be able to enjoy this enticing moment with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
tension.
For example
, in a few countries, it is
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend a large amount of finance on marriage functions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this type of obstacle can be
perfectly
abbreviated through this peculiar measure of saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from the income.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
first
and last step to accomplish every work
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
point. Although, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have faced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
problems during the present time for the adoption of this method,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take other steps to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more aware about it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their future life more enjoyable.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that to spend or enjoy money once they earn it, but others think that to save the money and to enjoy it in the future. What stand do you agree with and Why? Give the specific reasons and examples which support your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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