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Some people like to spend their money as soon as they earn it, while others think it is better to save their money for some time in the future. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.2

Some people like to spend their money as soon as they earn it, while others think it is better to save their money for some time in the future. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 2
Money concerns are a major cause of stress and anxiety in the modern world. Some people prefer to spend their money as soon as they earn. However, I go along with people who believe that we should save our money for not-too-distant needs. Because, we may face crucial points in our life that by spending the expenses it will bring us more prosperous life and also for emergency situations. Many youngsters believe that enjoyment is the most important purpose in our life and as soon as we achieve this we will experience better life. Indeed, they are not ready to ignore small and highly ephemeral happiness in favor of greater and long lasting triumph. My own experience is a compelling example of this. When I was teenager, I had a part time job with a paltry wage. Because the money was not significant, I always spend all of them rightly after I was paid. I ate out with my friends, bought new unnecessary stuff, and paid for video games. On the other hand, my younger brother was a teenager like me and he worked with a small amount of wage, too. He saved all the money he earned and just after completing his high school, he started university due to he could pay a remarkable part of tuition fee by his own savings. But, I had to work for two years until I could afford the university expenses. As a result, if I had not spend my whole money, I would have continued my education immediately. Furthermore, the life is full of unexpected emergencies that can cause a lot of inconvenience and anxiety if we do not have enough saving. One of the most problematic issues in our life is medical bills especially when we face an unforeseen happening. To overcome these tough situations, we need to have saving to cover the unwanted expenses. For instance, one of my friends had a car crash recently and unfortunately he broke his leg. Although, he would work and his salary was reasonable, he could not save money because of the payment of the loan he borrowed to buy his car. Finally, he had to ask his elderly parents to cover not only the medical expenses but his living costs, as well. Therefore, it is really wise to save some money for unexpected situations. In conclusion, I argue in favor of the opinion that we should not spend our money as soon as we earn. Because, we could use it for our superior purposes and for unpredictable expenses.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
concerns are a major cause of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety in the modern world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they earn.
However
, I go along with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that we should save our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for not-too-distant needs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, we may face crucial points in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that by spending the expenses it will bring us more prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
also
for emergency situations.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
youngsters believe that enjoyment is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
purpose in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as we achieve this we will experience better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Indeed
, they are not ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and
highly
ephemeral happiness in favor of greater and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
triumph. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience is a compelling example of this. When I was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
, I had a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
job with a paltry wage.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
was not significant, I always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
all of them
rightly
after I
was paid
. I ate out with my friends,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
new unnecessary stuff, and paid for video games.
On the other hand
, my younger brother was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
like
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
me and
he worked with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of wage, too. He saved all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
he earned and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
after completing his high school, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
university due to he could pay a remarkable part of tuition fee by his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
savings.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I had to work for two years until I could afford the university expenses.
As a result
, if I had not
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "spent".
spend
my whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, I would have continued my education immediately.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is full of unexpected emergencies that can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
inconvenience and anxiety if we do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
saving. One of the most problematic issues in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is medical bills
especially
when we face an unforeseen happening. To overcome these tough situations, we need to have saving to cover the unwanted expenses.
For instance
, one of my friends had a car crash recently and unfortunately he broke his leg. Although, he would work and his salary was reasonable, he could not save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the payment of the loan he borrowed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
his car.
Finally
, he had to ask his elderly parents to cover not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the medical expenses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
his living costs,
as well
.
Therefore
, it is
really
wise to save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for unexpected situations.

In conclusion
, I argue in favor of the opinion that we should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as we earn.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for our superior purposes and for unpredictable expenses.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people like to spend their money as soon as they earn it, while others think it is better to save their money for some time in the future. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
425 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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