Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people like to spend their money as soon as they earn it, while others think it is better to save their money for some time in the future. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.1

Some people like to spend their money as soon as they earn it, while others think it is better to save their money for some time in the future. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 1
Owing to the new invention in technologies, women's life has been made easier by reducing their task. Thus made them possible to balance between personal and professional life. This certainly benefits their family financially by improving their economic status. However, in my opinion, working women face a lot of struggle with managing family and work. This essay will provide arguments to support my views. To start with, it is an undeniable fact that technology has made women expand their horizons and look out the real world. For instance, earlier women used to spend their whole time performing household chores; however, with the introduction of new appliances, this point has been reduced to half. This has given them extra space to take up some job and support their family financially. With increasing inflation, it is essential for both the parents to earn that could provide a better lifestyle for their children. Moreover, working mothers are more updated, which benefits their children to rise in this competitive era. On the other hand, this trend possesses some negative effects on children's growth. As both of their parents are working, they isolate themselves and hesitate to share their feelings openly. Also, children get freedom in excess to do whatever they want, which could result in inculcating bad habits. Furthermore, after working for long hours in the industry, the activeness of women compromised while increasing fatigue and tiredness. Unfortunately, the additional burden takes a toll on her health and happiness. To conclude, there is no doubt that the economic status of a family improves when women work. However, there are certain issues that hamper the progress of the child and the bonding of the family. Thus, the cons overweigh the pros, as developing a healthy mind is more important than being wealthy.
Owing to the new invention in technologies, women's life has
been made
easier by reducing their task.
Thus
made them possible to balance between personal and professional life. This
certainly
benefits their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
financially
by improving their economic status.
However
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
face
Possible agreement error. The noun struggle seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of struggles".
a lot of struggle
with managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and work. This essay will provide arguments to support my views.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, it is an undeniable fact that technology has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
expand their horizons and look out the real world.
For instance
, earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend their whole time performing household chores;
however
, with the introduction of new appliances, this point has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to half. This has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
them extra space to take up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
job and support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
financially
. With increasing inflation, it is essential for both the parents to earn that could provide a better lifestyle for their children.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
mothers are more updated, which benefits their children to rise in this competitive era.

On the other hand
, this trend possesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on children's growth. As both of their parents are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
, they isolate themselves and hesitate to share their feelings
openly
.
Also
, children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
freedom in excess to do whatever they want, which could result in inculcating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits.
Furthermore
, after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for long hours in the industry, the activeness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
compromised while increasing fatigue and tiredness. Unfortunately, the additional burden takes a toll on her health and happiness.

To conclude
, there is no doubt that the economic status of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
work.
However
, there are certain issues that hamper the progress of the child and the bonding of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Thus
, the cons
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
the pros, as developing a healthy mind is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than being wealthy.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people like to spend their money as soon as they earn it, while others think it is better to save their money for some time in the future. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts