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Some people think that to produce a happier society is to ensure that there is only a small difference on the earnings of the richest and the poorest members. To what extent to do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that to produce a happier society is to ensure that there is only a small difference on the earnings of the richest and the poorest members. v. 1
There is a believe in a group of people that the happier society can be achieved with a small difference in the salary between rich and poor people. I strongly agree with this thought. To begin with the causes which can happen with the major differences in earning between wealthier and poor people. One of them is unstable community. In other words, with the huge variation in salary, wealthy people will become more wealthy and poor will face more poverty. For example, in Nigeria, there are three groups of people; wealthier, poorer and mafia in the society. The result of this, bad people will follow wrong way to earn high money and the crime ratio will increase. Another reason is a social criseas. Major difference in income will create differences between people at work place, within neighbours and society. Thus, people will not treat eachother equally. At the other side, there are several benefits from the low difference in earning. Firstly, it helps people to survive with the basic needs, such as accommodation, food and clothes. This way, poor people can also eat in the good restaurant with family. For instance, five star level restuarant. Secondly, human will understand the importance of humanity instead of focusing on only earning. To clarify this, with the small difference in the wages, people will face less crticism, and will start to respect each other. Finally, the crime ratio will decrease. As every other person will be at more or less same level of financial status, every one will feel satisfied with the work. In conclusion, while there are several disadvantages of high fluctuation in salary, such as unreliable community and social differences, there are a number of benefits to the minimum difference in income, such as availability of basic necessity, equal respect for eachother and low crime. Thus, It is proven that the government can establish a rule of small difference in income to create happier community.
There is a
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
in a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that the happier society can
be achieved
with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
in the salary between rich and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the causes which can happen with the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
differences
in earning between wealthier and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. One of them is unstable community. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, with the huge variation in salary, wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will become more wealthy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
will face more poverty.
For example
, in Nigeria, there are three groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
; wealthier, poorer and mafia in the society. The result of this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will follow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way to earn high money and the crime ratio will increase. Another reason is a social
Possible spelling mistake found.
criseas
. Major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
in income will create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
differences
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at work place, within
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
and society.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not treat
Possible spelling mistake found.
eachother
equally
.

At the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, there are several benefits from the low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
in earning.
Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to survive with the basic needs, such as accommodation, food and clothes. This way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
also
eat in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
restaurant with family.
For instance
,
'five star' is missing a hyphen.
five star
level
Possible spelling mistake found.
restuarant
.
Secondly
, human will understand the importance of humanity
instead
of focusing on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
earning. To clarify this, with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
in the wages,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will face less
Possible spelling mistake found.
crticism
, and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to respect each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Finally
, the crime ratio will decrease. As every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
person will be at more or less same level of financial status, every one will feel satisfied with the work.

In conclusion
, while there are several disadvantages of high fluctuation in salary, such as unreliable community and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
differences
, there are a number of benefits to the minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
in income, such as availability of basic necessity, equal respect for
Possible spelling mistake found.
eachother
and low crime.
Thus
, It
is proven
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can establish a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
in income to create happier community.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Some people think that to produce a happier society is to ensure that there is only a small difference on the earnings of the richest and the poorest members. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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