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Some people the best way to build a happier society is to ensure there are only small differences between the rich and the poor. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people the best way to build a happier society is to ensure there are only small differences between the rich and the poor. v. 1
As is known, these days, a majority of countries suffer from less happier community. Therefore, some suggest that it is considerably crucial for countries to fill the gap between wealthy and impoverished people. I somewhat agree with the above-mentioned idea as the arguments for and against it are equal. This essay will discuss some reasons of this issue. The major reason why I think that the governments should not discriminate among their population is because people may not have self-confidence in this regard. To be more specific, the authorities might build free of charge schools which are used by both poor and rich students in order to children do not feel any discrepancy between them. This education may help people to find an efficient position in work life, as a result of which they can have a stable revenue. Consequently, the distinction between the poor and the rich can vanish. Another convincing argument is that as I have mentioned before the jurisdictions play a vital role in people's life. That is to say, they might make people at the same level. For instance, free hospitals can be built, and people may be provided with the free treatments which are required from them. Furthermore, intellectual, but poor people might be equipped with a well-paid job which is the opportunity for them to work with the rich together. By way of conclusion, considering aforementioned arguments, I somehow agree that if all people have self-satisfaction, this society can be the happiest one. I hope that all governments ought to do a variety of reforms so as to remove discrimination between people.
As
is known
, these days, a majority of countries suffer from
Non-standard use of the comparative or superlative. Did you mean "less happy"?
less happier
community.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggest that it is
considerably
crucial for countries to fill the gap between wealthy and impoverished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I somewhat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above-mentioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
as the arguments for and against it are equal. This essay will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons of this issue.

The major reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should not discriminate among their population is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may not have self-confidence in this regard. To be more specific, the authorities might build free of charge schools which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by both poor and rich students in order to children do not feel any discrepancy between them. This education may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find an efficient position in work life,
as a result
of which they can have a stable revenue.
Consequently
, the distinction between the poor and the rich can vanish.

Another convincing argument is that as I have mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the jurisdictions play a vital role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life.
That is
to say, they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at the same level.
For instance
, free hospitals can
be built
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
be provided
with the free treatments which
are required
from them.
Furthermore
, intellectual,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
be equipped
with a well-paid job which is the opportunity for them to work with the rich together.

By way of conclusion, considering aforementioned arguments, I somehow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that if all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have self-satisfaction, this society can be the happiest one. I hope that all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
ought to do a variety of reforms
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
remove discrimination between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people the best way to build a happier society is to ensure there are only small differences between the rich and the poor. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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