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Some people think that to learn a second language well it is necessary to live in the country where that language is spoken. What is your opinion about this? v.1

Some people think that to learn a second language well it is necessary to live in the country where that language is spoken. What is your opinion about this? v. 1
Learning the native language of a country to be lived may require a lot of effort and time. Many people believe that to learn the native language of a particular country, it is essential to live in that country. In my opinion, learning a second language is a necessity to live comfortably in another country. This essay will discuss why learning a native language spoken in which people live is important. First of all, learning a native language of the country to be living in comes with a number of financial and social benefits. If people are able to learn that language well, which is spoken in the country they settled, they can find effortlessly well-paid jobs. For example, in Germany, migrants, who speak German well, earn more money than those who don’t speak German fluently. Moreover, if people learn a second language, they can have a circle of friends in the country they live, and socialize with them. For instance, some Turkish people living in German have suffered from loneliness, and which, in turn, the sense of loneliness results in stress, anxiety and depression in recent years. Therefore, learning a native language of the country in which to be living is completely necessary. Secondly, the ability of speaking a second language which is native to the country where people live in help migrants to benefit from some facilities such as educational facilities. So, how can learning a native language benefit people in terms of education? If people can learn that language, they can have the opportunity to study in a university which is located in a particular country. To illustrate, speaking German well is a must in Germany for international students. Furthermore, speaking the native language of the country to be living in provides a great understanding of that society. If people do not learn the native language of the state they settled, they live like a stranger of the society. Thus, to learn the native language in a particular country become a necessity. In conclusion, learning the native language of a country to be living is not an easy process. Many people insist that learning a native language well is necessary to live in a given country to which that language is native. In my opinion, it is essentially important because it provides job opportunities and social benefits to migrant people.
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Learning
the
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native
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language
of a
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country
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
may require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort and time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
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people
believe that to
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learn
the
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native
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language
of a particular
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country
, it is essential to
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live
in that
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country
. In my opinion,
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learning
a second
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language
is a necessity to
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live
comfortably
in another
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country
. This essay will discuss why
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learning
a
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native
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language
spoken in which
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people
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live
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
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learning
a
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native
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language
of the
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country
to be
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living
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with a number of financial and social
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benefits
. If
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people
are able to
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learn
that
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language
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well
, which
is spoken
in the
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country
they settled, they can find
effortlessly
well-paid jobs.
For example
, in Germany, migrants, who speak German
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well
, earn more money than those who don’t speak German
fluently
.
Moreover
, if
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people
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learn
a second
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language
, they can have a circle of friends in the
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country
they
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live
, and socialize with them.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Turkish
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in German have suffered from loneliness, and which, in turn, the sense of loneliness results in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, anxiety and depression in recent years.
Therefore
,
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learning
a
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native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in which to be
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living
is completely necessary.

Secondly
, the ability of speaking a second
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language
which is
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native
to the
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country
where
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people
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live
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
migrants to
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benefit
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
facilities such as educational facilities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, how can
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learning
a
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native
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language
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benefit
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people
in terms of education? If
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people
can
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learn
that
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language
, they can have the opportunity to study in a university which
is located
in a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. To illustrate, speaking German
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well
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
in Germany for international students.
Furthermore
, speaking the
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native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to be
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living
in provides a great understanding of that society. If
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people
do not
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learn
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
of the state they settled, they
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live
like a stranger of the society.
Thus
, to
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learn
the
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native
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language
in a particular
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country
become a necessity.

In conclusion
,
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learning
the
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native
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language
of a
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country
to be
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living
is not an easy process.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
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people
insist that
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learning
a
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native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
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well
is necessary to
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live
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
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country
to which that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
native
. In my opinion, it is
essentially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides job opportunities and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
to migrant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that to learn a second language well it is necessary to live in the country where that language is spoken. What is your opinion about this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
393 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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