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Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.22

In today's world computers are becoming part of many people's life in many youngsters are spending their time by playing computer video games. There are many bad impacts of playing games for children in spite of there are also many feasible approach to minimize the addiction of games. nowadays many young people such as teenagers and adult sons are playing laptop games due to they get bored from a real life. By spending most of your time so eventually be addicted to game. As a result they might have an eye issues because of coming lights from screen of computers. Addition by sitting on a chair for hours and staring to computer had the huge bad impact to the body of a child it might end up with bad back diagnose. according to Siri conducted by house hospital in 2016 50% of boys and girls has an eye and back diagnose due to computer video games. my friend John can't see a long distance and he has a diagnosis of minus 4 on both eyes. Throughout the world there are many ways decrease the number of children who are playing games on the laptop. one possible approach might be increasing prices of video games however this one stop children's whose parents are rich but high cost of games might minimize quantities of young gamers. Another good approach is to give a good behavior to kids from their parents. As a result kids will eventually understand the bad impact of video games. For instance my mother always says that games have really bad diagnose. Oh well there are many huge bad impacts to the body of the children who plays computer games. Nevertheless there are much can be done to make a minimum as much as it is possible.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world computers are becoming part of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters are spending their time by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
feasible approach to minimize the addiction of games.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and adult sons are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
laptop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
due to they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored from a real life. By spending most of your time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
eventually
be addicted
to game.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have an eye issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of coming lights from screen of computers. Addition by sitting on a chair for hours and staring to computer had the huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
to the body of a child it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
back diagnose.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
according
to Siri conducted by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
hospital in 2016 50% of boys and girls has an eye and back diagnose due to computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
my
friend John can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a long
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
distance and
he has a diagnosis of minus 4 on both eyes.

Throughout the world there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways decrease the number of children who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on the laptop.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
one
possible approach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be increasing prices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
however
this one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
children's whose parents are rich
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
high cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
minimize quantities of young gamers. Another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
approach is to give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
behavior to kids from their parents.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result kids will
eventually
understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For instance
my mother always says that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
diagnose.

Interjections are usually punctuated.
Oh
well there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
to the body of the children who plays computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
there are much can
be done
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a minimum as much as it is possible.
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Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets, and there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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