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Some people think that to ensure a happier society, there should be only a small difference in the earninings between the poorest and the richest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that to ensure a happier society, there should be only a small difference in the earninings between the poorest and the richest members. v. 1
Reducing the distinction of the salaries of rich and poor members of society is considered by some people to be an effective way of achieving happiness. I completely disagree with this point of view and I believe there are other methods to provide happiness and satisfaction for people. To begin with, eliminating the gap between all members might be detrimental to societies. Firstly, if people in all professions received the same wages, this would lead to laziness and individuals would instead pursue easy careers instead of demanding ones. For instance, people trying to become doctors or engineers to receive high salaries can instead work part-time in any industry and still get paid a high salary. Secondly, reducing the disparity among different social class may create a boring culture in the society. Which means that competition among individuals to become rich may disappear because all people get the same income regardless of the job they are doing. On the other hand, there are several ways to produce a more enjoyable life, as government plays a vital role in this changing society. To be precise, governments can provide more job opportunities to ensure an equality in a more positive way and in many cases, poor people can become rich by working hard and demonstrating their talents. Moreover, a happy society highly depends on the services that governments provide for their citizens. For example, if all countries provided free education and health care for their population, its people would become happier. In conclusion, closing difference between rich and poor individuals cannot make society happy, however, I firmly believe that free education and health care are the most effective way to increase social happiness.
Reducing the distinction of the salaries of
rich
and poor members of
society
is considered
by
some
people
to be an effective way of achieving happiness. I completely disagree with this point of view and I believe there are other methods to provide happiness and satisfaction for
people
.

To
begin
with, eliminating the gap between all members might be detrimental to
societies
.
Firstly
, if
people
in all professions received the same wages, this would lead to laziness and individuals would
instead
pursue easy careers
instead
of demanding ones.
For instance
,
people
trying to
become
doctors or engineers to receive high salaries can
instead
work part-time in any industry and
still
get
paid a high salary.
Secondly
, reducing the disparity among
different
social
class
may create a boring culture in the
society
. Which means that competition among individuals to
become
rich
may disappear
because
all
people
get
the same income regardless of the job they are doing.

On the other hand
, there are several ways to produce a more enjoyable life, as
government
plays a vital role in this changing
society
. To be precise,
governments
can provide more job opportunities to ensure an equality in a more
positive
way and in
many
cases, poor
people
can
become
rich
by working
hard
and demonstrating their talents.
Moreover
, a happy
society
highly
depends on the services that
governments
provide for their citizens.
For example
, if all countries provided free education and health care for their population, its
people
would
become
happier.

In conclusion
, closing difference between
rich
and poor individuals cannot
make
society
happy,
however
, I
firmly
believe that free education and health care are the most effective way to increase social happiness.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that to ensure a happier society, there should be only a small difference in the earninings between the poorest and the richest members. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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