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Many people go to university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Many people go to university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. v. 4
It is true that many people prefer to pursue academic studies at university rather than to follow a vocational training course. While nobody can deny the need for university graduates, I totally agree that we should encourage more people to qualify as electricians, plumbers or other essential manual workers. There are two important reasons why more workers must be trained in skilled professions such as plumbing or electrical work. Firstly, those workers are important when new buildings are constructed or when existing buildings have to be renovated or simply maintained. Indeed, in many countries, a permanent maintenance staff of skilled tradesmen is employed in hospitals, schools or museums, ensuring the safety of all who use the buildings. Secondly, in some developed countries, there is an existing imbalance in the economy, resulting in graduate unemployment, while at the same time there is a shortage of skilled labour. Governments in those countries need, therefore, to work with employers to ensure that extra vocational training is provided. More people must be encouraged to attend vocational training courses. The onus is on schools to incorporate relevant subjects into the curriculum, so that not all the emphasis is placed on preparing for academic study at university. Many boys and girls are not academically inclined, but this does not mean that schools should consider them as failures. For example, workshops in schools could provide an opportunity to learn ‘hands-on skills’, adapting the theory of the physics lessons to practical applications. Parents should also help their children to choose vocational careers, explaining the good employment prospects and remuneration for manual workers with qualifications and skills In conclusion, I agree that it is vital that we encourage more people to do vocational training because without such skilled workers, society cannot function effectively.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to pursue academic studies at university
rather
than to follow a vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
course. While nobody can deny the need for university graduates, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that we should encourage more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to qualify as electricians, plumbers or other essential manual workers.

There are two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons why more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be trained
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
professions such as plumbing or electrical work.
Firstly
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
when new buildings
are constructed
or when existing buildings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be renovated
or
simply
maintained.
Indeed
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, a permanent maintenance staff of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
tradesmen
is employed
in hospitals,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
or museums, ensuring the safety of all who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the buildings.
Secondly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, there is an existing imbalance in the economy, resulting in graduate unemployment, while at the same time there is a shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
in those countries need,
therefore
, to work with employers to ensure that extra vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
is provided
.

More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be encouraged
to attend vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
courses. The onus is on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to incorporate relevant subjects into the curriculum,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that not all the emphasis
is placed
on preparing for academic study at university.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
boys and girls are not
academically
inclined,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this does not mean that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should consider them as failures.
For example
, workshops in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
could provide an opportunity to learn ‘hands-on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
’, adapting the theory of the physics lessons to practical applications. Parents should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their children to choose vocational careers, explaining the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
employment prospects and remuneration for manual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
with qualifications and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
skills


In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is vital that we encourage more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
, society cannot function
effectively
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people go to university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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