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Some people think that they can go to to gym to remain fit while other think that there are other better ways Discuss both views along with your opinion v.1

Some people think that they can go to to gym to remain fit while other think that there are other better ways 1
Entertainment industry has become a huge cash cow for many, because of its rising popularity. While some argue that the most of the entertainers are remunerated more than they deserve, others argue that they are paid as per their skills and knowledge. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons why these entertainers deserve the money that they are paid and their effects on the society. Undoubtedly, some individuals in the entertainment sector are heavily remunerated, irrespective of their impact on the society. For instance, it's a widely known fact that the movie stars in the country are paid much more than the teachers and army personnel. Our markets and the pay scale are purely determined by their popularity and market capitalisation. There is no ethical way of functioning, as commercialisation did sweep away all the other influencing factors. On the other hand, the top entertainers do deserve the money that they are paid, because of all the hard choices they made in their life. For example, it's a known matter that the top cine stars are well remunerated because of all the hard work and pain they endured during their initial years. They sacrificed a lot of comfort and leisure to reach the current spot. Also, it is not for everyone in the industry, but the top, say one percent who is paid extremely. Further, the remuneration is not unfortunately a reflection of the impact that they produce in the society. In conclusion, I personally believe that the top entertainers are being paid what they deserve, no matter how high. Even if they are paid much higher than the other important professionals like teachers, they do deserve it because of the hard work they had done.
Entertainment industry has become a huge cash cow for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its rising popularity. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that the most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
are remunerated
more than they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deserve
, others argue that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
as per their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons why these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deserve
the money that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
and their effects on the society.

Undoubtedly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals in the entertainment sector are
heavily
remunerated, irrespective of their impact on the society.
For instance
, it's a
widely
known fact that the movie stars in the country are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
much more than the teachers and army personnel. Our markets and the pay scale are
purely
determined by their popularity and market
Possible spelling mistake. 'capitalisation' is British English.
capitalisation
. There is no ethical way of functioning, as
Possible spelling mistake. 'commercialisation' is British English.
commercialisation
did sweep away all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
influencing factors.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deserve
the money that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
choices they made in their life.
For example
, it's a known matter that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
cine stars are well remunerated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and pain they endured during their initial years. They sacrificed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
comfort and leisure to reach the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
spot.
Also
, it is not for everyone in the industry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
, say one percent who is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
extremely
.
Further
, the remuneration is not unfortunately a reflection of the impact that they produce in the society.

In conclusion
, I
personally
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
are being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deserve
, no matter how high. Even if they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
much higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
professionals like teachers, they do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deserve
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work they had done.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that they can go to to gym to remain fit while other think that there are other better ways 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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