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Some people think that the use of mobile phones should be banned in public places such as in libraries, shops and on public transport. to what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement? v.2

Some people think that the use of mobile phones should be banned in public places such as in libraries, shops and on public transport. with the statement? v. 2
It is believed by many that the cellular phones should be barred from use in many places like libraries, shopping centres and while using public transport. Although the increasing use of cellular is a noteworthy issue, I firmly disagree with the view of banning these in any of these places as the over-usage of cells is more of a behavioural problem rather than a global one, and this can be controlled at personal levels. Banning mobiles at some social places is not an appropriate act as nowadays, these are not considered as luxuries, but necessities. Not every person is using mobiles for leisure activities, there are many who actually utilize it for some creative purposes. Cell phones now have latest technology and interesting applications which are used by many people globally for variety of reasons such as business, education, hobbies and many more. An individual in library for instance, might require to refer to sites such as Google, for any query related to the books he is referring to. While using public transport as well, mobiles can play a significant role of entertainment or the camera can be used for capturing memories too. Moreover, shops can be another place where a person might have to use his cellular for inquiring anything from his family. Hence, banning mobiles specifically for any place such as libraries, shops or public transportation is irrelevant as it all depend on an individual' s needs. Furthermore, mobiles play a key role for connecting everyone to their families and in case of any emergencies, these play a vital role to connect with close ones. However, there are other options like silent mode or vibration mode available on mobile phones which can actually notify the user without causing any sort of disturbance to others. these options can be effectively used in places like libraries, where it is strongly recommended to do so. Watching a mobile without any sound by using headphones is another way of entertaining oneself in public transport without deterring peace of others. To conclude, banning the cellular is not a suitable solution as it is a basic requirement these days, nevertheless, there are many other options by which these can be used appropriately without the risk of disturbing fellow mates.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cellular
phones should
be barred
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
like libraries, shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and while using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport. Although the increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cellular
is a noteworthy issue, I
firmly
disagree with the view of banning these in any of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
as the over-usage of cells is more of a
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
problem
rather
than a global one, and this can
be controlled
at personal levels.

Banning mobiles at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is not an appropriate act as nowadays, these are not considered as luxuries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
necessities. Not every person is using mobiles for leisure activities, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
who actually utilize it for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
creative purposes. Cell phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technology and interesting applications which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
globally for variety of reasons such as business, education, hobbies and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. An individual in library
for instance
, might require
Did you mean "referring"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to refer
to sites such as Google, for any query related to the books he is referring to. While using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport
as well
, mobiles can play a significant role of entertainment or the camera can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for capturing memories too.
Moreover
, shops can be another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
where a person might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cellular
for inquiring anything from his family.
Hence
, banning mobiles
specifically
for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
such as libraries, shops or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation is irrelevant as it all depend on an
Possible spelling mistake found.
individual&
#039; s needs.

Furthermore
, mobiles play a key role for connecting everyone to their families and in case of any emergencies, these play a vital role to connect with close ones.
However
, there are other options like silent mode or vibration mode available on mobile phones which can actually notify the user without causing any sort of disturbance to others.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
these
options can be
effectively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
like libraries, where it is
strongly
The verb 'recommended' is used with the gerund form: "recommended doing".
recommended to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. Watching a mobile without any sound by using headphones is another way of entertaining oneself in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport without deterring peace of others.

To conclude
, banning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cellular
is not a suitable solution as it is a basic requirement these days,
nevertheless
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other options by which these can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
appropriately
without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of disturbing fellow mates.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Some people think that the use of mobile phones should be banned in public places such as in libraries, shops and on public transport. with the statement? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
375 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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