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The use of mobile phones in public places is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places, so mobile phones should be banned in the same way. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

The use of mobile phones in public places is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places, so mobile phones should be banned in the same way. v. 2
In the age of advanced technology, the mobile phone is one of the most widely used technologies and it plays an important role in our lives. In my opinion, I believe that it is not as harmful as smoking, and people should be allowed to use mobile phones in public places. I suppose that using mobile phones is not negative as smoking in public places. The main reason to ban smoking in certain places is passive smoking has a negative effect on public health, while mobile phones do not have much. Smoking does not only affect the smoker negatively. It also affects all the people around those who smoke because when people smoke in pubic the smoke travels everywhere through the air, and the negative effects of this smoke affects all living creatures such as a cancer and a heart disease. Unlike smoking, texting and calling do not cause fatal diseases to those who stand around mobile phone users. In other words, the levels of damaging effects that mobile phones and smoking have on society are not the same. Moreover, I disagree with those who argue that mobile phones should be banned in public places. Today, mobile phone has become popular to most people since it is very convenient. The most advantage of having a mobile phone is you can communicate to your family and your friends no matter what where you are. For instance, you can contact easily to your friends by calling or sending messages everywhere without electricity. From the business’s point of view, it is obvious that mobile phones assist you in business a lot, such as, make schedule of working, surf the internet, and keep in touch with their companies. Moreover, you can relax with mobile phone’s applications, for example, play games, listen to music, or chat with your friends. In conclusion, using mobile phones has more benefits rather than restricting as smoking. So I believe that the mild disadvantages could be easily limited by educating people regarding the mobile phone in public places.
In the age of advanced technology, the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is one of the most
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
technologies and it plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In my opinion, I believe that it is not as harmful as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places.

I suppose that using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. The main reason to ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
health, while mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
do not have much.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smoking
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affect the smoker
negatively
. It
also
affects all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
in
Did you mean "public"?
pubic
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
travels everywhere through the air, and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
affects all living creatures such as a cancer and a heart disease. Unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
, texting and calling do not cause fatal diseases to those who stand around mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
users.
In other words
, the levels of damaging effects that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
have on society are not the same.

Moreover
, I disagree with those who argue that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
should
be banned
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
has become popular to most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
since it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient. The most advantage of having a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is you can communicate to your family and your friends no matter what where you are.
For instance
, you can contact
easily
to your friends by calling or sending messages everywhere without electricity. From the business’s point of view, it is obvious that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
assist you in business a lot, such as,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
schedule of working, surf the internet, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Moreover
, you can relax with mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone’s
applications,
for example
, play games, listen to music, or chat with your friends.

In conclusion
, using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
has more benefits
rather
than restricting as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I believe that the mild disadvantages could be
easily
limited by educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regarding the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay The use of mobile phones in public places is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places, so mobile phones should be banned in the same way. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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