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Some people think that the use of mobile phones should be banned in public places such as in libraries, shops and on public transport. to what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement? v.1

Some people think that the use of mobile phones should be banned in public places such as in libraries, shops and on public transport. with the statement? v. 1
Everyone dreams to have a space machine to reverse their period. Similarly, If I have a power of going back to my teenage activity, I would have definitely gone back to enjoy my precious moment which I enjoyed during my childhood. In my opinion, teenage years are the happiest times as compared to adult ones. There are several reasons which I think young people have less responsibility than mature people. Firstly, teens do not have to worry about to pay their school fees or the food provided by their parents. For instance, in my childhood, I used to enjoy my age to the fullest as I was not bound to pay my education fees as well other co-curricular activities. Secondly, I didn’t have much idea how idea how my parents struggle to earn to compensate our basic necessities of the heart. In return, they always expected us to study hard and get good exams in exams in order to become successful in life. On the other hand, Adults also enjoys the dilemma of growth. For example, they become more established with second to generation and have a power of decision making to make their own choice to leave their activity. Apart from this, they have more household tasks on their shoulders to run their homes and fulfil the basic necessities of their family members. Moreover, they may also struggle to earn an income by working hard so that their kindred ones maintained the lifestyles. In conclusion, I think for me being an adult today, I believe early years of soul enjoys are the best times as adolescents have no obligation towards paying bills, supporting a family, and other responsibilities that adult bear.
Everyone dreams to have a space machine to reverse their period.
Similarly
, If I have a power of going back to my teenage activity, I would have definitely gone back to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
my precious moment which I enjoyed during my childhood. In my opinion, teenage years are the happiest times as compared to adult ones.

There are several reasons which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have less responsibility than mature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Firstly
, teens do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about to pay their school fees or the food provided by their parents.
For instance
, in my childhood, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
my age to the fullest as I was not bound to pay my education fees
as well
other co-curricular activities.
Secondly
, I didn’t have much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
how my parents struggle to earn to compensate our
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
of the heart. In return, they always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
us to study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "exams in".
exams in exams in
order to become successful in life.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Adults
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoys
the dilemma of growth.
For example
, they become more established with second to generation and have a power of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their activity. Apart from this, they have more household tasks on their shoulders to run their homes and fulfil the
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
of their family members.
Moreover
, they may
also
struggle to earn an income by working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their kindred ones maintained the lifestyles.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
for me being an adult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, I believe early years of soul
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoys
are the best times as adolescents have no obligation towards paying bills, supporting a family, and other responsibilities that adult bear.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the use of mobile phones should be banned in public places such as in libraries, shops and on public transport. with the statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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