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Some people think that the teenagers should concentrate on all subjects at schools. Others believe that teenagers should focus only on the subjects that they are best at or they are most interested in. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Some people think that the teenagers should concentrate on all subjects at schools. Others believe that teenagers should focus only on the subjects that they are best at or they are most interested in. v. 1
Muton’s study shows that more than ninety percent of the students chose to focus on the subjects that they like the most when they were asked if they prefer whether to go through all the subjects or concentrate on the subjects that they like. I found this study is very logical. Why studying subjects that is out of teenager’s interests? I totally agree that students at school should concentrate on the courses that they excel in. Most of the students cannot shine in all the subjects, which affects negatively on their performance. In many cases, the difference of results varies from a subject to another. For instance, some acquire full marks in mathematics, while failing in another subject such as historical studies. Such results literally exhaust the student and weaken his or her confidence especially that, at the early stages, they need to feel they are perfect at everything. Our brain is more likely to excel when we handle one task rather than many tasks at the same time. Similarly, in order to accomplish efficient results in our careers, we need to effectively focus on materials that we feel we are good at. Johnson mayor, a professor in Pacific University, explained that “to be more productive, we have to choose the career that we love; however, to reach ultimate productivity, the career that we love has to be directly related to what we have studied. ” To sum up, I believe that the teenagers must focus not on all the subject, but rather pick up the right courses that fits their skills and that are more likely to be productive at. Eventually, this will lead to a better economy and it enhance their careers.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Muton
’s study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that more than ninety percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
chose to focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they like the most when they
were asked
if they prefer whether to go through all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
or concentrate on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they like. I found this study is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
logical. Why studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that is
out of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
’s interests? I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at school should concentrate on the courses that they excel in.

Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
cannot shine in all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, which affects
negatively
on their performance. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, the difference of results varies from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to another.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
acquire full marks in mathematics, while failing in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
such as historical studies. Such results
literally
exhaust the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
and weaken
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
confidence
especially
that, at the early stages, they need to feel they are perfect at everything.

Our brain is more likely to excel when we handle one task
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tasks at the same time.
Similarly
, in order to accomplish efficient results in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
, we need to
effectively
focus on materials that we feel we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at. Johnson mayor, a professor in Pacific University,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
that “to be more productive, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
;
however
, to reach ultimate productivity, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
directly
related to what we have studied. ”

To sum up, I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
focus not on all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
pick up the right courses that fits their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and that are more likely to be productive at.
Eventually
, this will lead to a better economy and it
Did you mean "enhances"?
enhance
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the teenagers should concentrate on all subjects at schools. Others believe that teenagers should focus only on the subjects that they are best at or they are most interested in. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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