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Some people think that teenagers should concentrate on all subjects at school Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subjects they are best at or they are most interested in Discuss both views and give your opinion v.2

Some people think that teenagers should concentrate on all subjects at school Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subjects they are best at or they are most interested in 2
It is widely debated as to whether adolescents should focus equally on all the school subjects or whether they ought to only concentrate on the subjects that interest them. In my opinion, they must study all the subjects with equal attention. Some believe that studying only the subjects of their liking has many benefits for the high school students. Firstly, by converging all their attention on a handful of subjects, students can gain proficiency in their fields which will ultimately help them in gaining expertise in their domains. Secondly, doing this will also enhance their learning efficiency as their stress levels will be alleviated because of the elimination of other subjects. For example, a student who is interested in Computer Science may find other subjects such as biology or chemistry as utterly irrelevant and burdensome and can better concentrate by getting rid of them. Lastly, by having to study only subjects of their interests, students' motivation levels can reach staggering heights which can ultimately affect their results positively. On the other hand, it is advocated by many that students will benefit overall, if they focus on all subjects that they are taught in school. To begin with, by studying a variety of subjects, students will be in a better position to choose their specialization since they will be familiar with contents of various courses. Also, having multidisciplinary knowledge can enhance their job prospects in future. Finally, school curriculum are designed by highly proficient experts by taking into account the overall cognitive development of the students. Hence, it is in the interest of the students to study all the subjects. In conclusion, both the views have convincing arguments, however, in my belief, students will be better off by studying multiple subjects at their school rather than the only ones that they find interesting.
It is
widely
debated
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
adolescents should focus
equally
on all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
or whether they ought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
concentrate on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that interest them. In my opinion, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
study all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
with equal attention.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
of their liking has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Firstly
, by converging all their attention on a handful of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can gain proficiency in their fields which will
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in gaining expertise in their domains.
Secondly
, doing this will
also
enhance their learning efficiency as their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels will
be alleviated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the elimination of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who
is interested
in Computer Science may find other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as biology or chemistry as
utterly
irrelevant and burdensome and can better concentrate by getting rid of them.
Lastly
, by having to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
of their interests,
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039; motivation levels can reach staggering heights which can
ultimately
affect their results
positively
.

On the other hand
, it
is advocated
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will benefit
overall
, if they focus on all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they
are taught
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, by studying a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be in a better position to choose their specialization since they will be familiar with contents of various courses.
Also
, having multidisciplinary knowledge can enhance their job prospects
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum
are designed
by
highly
proficient experts by taking into account the
overall
cognitive development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Hence
, it is in the interest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to study all the subjects.

In conclusion
, both the views have convincing arguments,
however
, in my belief,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be better off by studying multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
ones that they find interesting.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Some people think that teenagers should concentrate on all subjects at school Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subjects they are best at or they are most interested in 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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