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Health care should not be provided for free regardless of a person’s income. The health of a person is in their own hands and they should, therefore, be held accountable for that. Do you agree with this opinion? v.1

Health care should not be provided for free regardless of a person’s income. The health of a person is in their own hands and they should, therefore, be held accountable for that. Do you agree with this opinion? v. 1
Many people hold the opinion that health subsidies should not be given to citizens irrespective of their financial status, but I disagree with that. No doubt, everyone is responsible for keeping themselves fit, but it is the government’s responsibility as well to ensure their citizens are entitled to have medicinal benefits. Recent changes in lifestyle have had adverse effects on people’s health. Also, jobs in metros are so demanding that people are unable to pay attention to their mental and physical fitness. Because of this reason, the government should ensure that its citizens have easy access to cheap and quality health care. By providing free health care, the government can also earn the trust and loyalty of its people. Another factor that explains why we need health care subsidies is the proportion of people living below the poverty line. In many developing countries poverty index is quite high and people cannot even afford basic medication. They are largely dependent on government agencies for assistance when they develop a health problem. Lastly, it is clearly evident that our generation has considerably low immunity levels because of the low quality of the food we eat. These days, fruits, vegetables and grains are treated with pesticides which reduce their nutrient value. Also, food available outside is mostly of low quality. These factors also lead to an unhealthy society. To conclude, it is imperative that we keep ourselves fit and healthy by eating quality foods and leading an active lifestyle. This, however, does not mean that the government has no responsibility towards building a healthy society. It should contribute its bit by providing subsidized or free health care.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
subsidies should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to citizens irrespective of their financial status,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I disagree with that. No doubt, everyone is responsible for keeping themselves fit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
responsibility
as well
to ensure their citizens
are entitled
to have medicinal benefits.

Recent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in lifestyle have had adverse effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Also
, jobs in metros are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
demanding that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unable to pay attention to their mental and physical fitness.
Because of this
reason, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should ensure that its citizens have easy access to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
. By providing free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
also
earn the trust and loyalty of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Another factor that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
why we need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
subsidies is the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living below the poverty line. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developing
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
poverty index is quite high and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot even afford basic medication. They are
largely
dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
agencies for assistance when they develop a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problem.
Lastly
, it is
clearly
evident that our generation has
considerably
low immunity levels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of the food we eat. These days, fruits, vegetables and grains
are treated
with pesticides which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their nutrient value.
Also
, food available outside is
mostly
of low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
. These factors
also
lead to an unhealthy society.

To conclude
, it is imperative that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
ourselves fit and healthy by eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
foods and leading an active lifestyle. This,
however
, does not mean that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has no responsibility towards building a healthy society. It should contribute its bit by providing subsidized or free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Health care should not be provided for free regardless of a person’s income. The health of a person is in their own hands and they should, therefore, be held accountable for that. Do you agree with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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