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Many parents complain about violence promoted their children through video games, TV programs and other media. Why is it happening? What can be the solution for it? v.1

Many parents complain about violence promoted their children through video games, TV programs and other media. Why is it happening? What can be the solution for it? v. 1
It is claimed by parents that video games, TV programs and other media have provoked further violence in their children’s lives. In this essay will be discussed the main problem, thereby there are so many ways that violence is propagated, following by the possible solution is passed through advise families of best practices to do it so. The main problem that needs to be considered is based on the violence is propagated in the video games, television programmes and other type of entertainment. This means that when those programs and games are produced, the main objective in made it must far-reaching the majority of the ages target. In spite of the fact this strategy does not concern the consequences of what might be created in the children’s mind, when doing so it is the parents responsibility to take action in order to protect their offspring. For example, many academic studies reveal that the majority of the video games are made to cover at least three ages, however, they pull two ages down, then is supposed, such as the game XPTO with provokes stress, violence and the graphic design is similar to reality. One immediate practical solution is to advertise families members of best practices to deal with the unknown of the entertaining contents. This means that, the first step should be the awareness of those facts in details, in other words, those responsible for educating might spend some time to play the game or watch that television entertainment, second they should share information with other parents and then teachers about them option of it. Finally, when they cannot control the situation might be likely proceed to contact to the channel director in order to change the timetable for that specific program. For instance, a few years ago, one of my friends did not like of the TV content from two to five year-old and she wrote down an email to TVI (TV channel) and complained about the lack of gratuitous violence for young children. As a result, the removed that program at that early time. To sum up, it is clear that violence is disseminated by differences media among the young people, while adults must take action and control the situation, first prohibited those ones to watch and second as a good citizen complain to the right responsible. Obviously, youths do not understand why they cannot attend that kind of information and might be unhappy, but it is in this way society protects the future of the nation.
It
is claimed
by parents that video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
media have provoked
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in their children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In this essay will
be discussed
the main problem, thereby there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is propagated
, following by the possible solution
is passed
through advise families of best
The verb 'practices' is used with the gerund form: "practices doing".
practices to do
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

The main problem that needs to
be considered
is based
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is propagated
in the video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
type of entertainment. This means that when those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are produced
, the main objective in made it
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
must far-reaching
the majority of the ages target.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the fact this strategy does not concern the consequences of what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be created
in the children’s mind, when doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "parents'" or "parent's"?
parents
responsibility to take action in order to protect their offspring.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
academic studies reveal that the majority of the video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are made
to cover at least three ages,
however
, they pull two ages down, then
is supposed
, such as the game
Possible spelling mistake found.
XPTO
with provokes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and the graphic design is similar to reality.

One immediate practical solution is to advertise families members of best
The verb 'practices' is used with the gerund form: "practices dealing".
practices to deal
with the unknown of the entertaining contents. This means that, the
first
step should be the awareness of those facts in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, those responsible for educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time to play the game or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
that television entertainment, second they should share information with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
parents and then teachers about them option of it.
Finally
, when they cannot control the situation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be likely proceed to contact to the channel director in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the timetable for that specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
.
For instance
, a few years ago, one of my friends did not like of the TV content from two to five year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and she wrote down an email to
Possible spelling mistake found.
TVI
(TV channel) and complained about the lack of gratuitous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
for young children.
As a result
, the removed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
at that early time.

To sum up, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is disseminated
by differences media among the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, while adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take action and control the situation,
first
prohibited
This phrase is probably grammatically incorrect. Write "those" instead.
those ones
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
and second as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizen complain to the right responsible.
Obviously
, youths do not understand why they cannot attend that kind of information and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be unhappy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is in this way society protects the future of the nation.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Many parents complain about violence promoted their children through video games, TV programs and other media. Why is it happening? What can be the solution for it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
418 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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