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Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest of our lives, while others believe that adult life brings more happiness. v.4

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest of our lives, while others believe that adult life brings more happiness. v. 4
It is quite clear that life stands for various meanings depending on people. On the one hand, there is a school of thought that we have a great chance to have the feeling of happiness in teen years, on the other hand, there are some those who maintain that adult life provides us with the opportunity of happiness. The merits of these both arguments will be analysed before a conclusion is decided upon. Firstly, it is believed that people under eighteen enjoy life considerably more than mature ones. For example, their duties consist of going to school, playing outside with their peers, in addition to this, when they want some items like toys, bicycle as well as edible stuff like an ice cream are provided by their parents. Besides, they are not responsible for some issues such as family-relating and financial problems.   As a result, all these factors contribute them to get pleasure from life more than people over 18. Thus, the heightened benefits of this point can be clearly seen. However, some argue that there is a wide range of things which only adults have a chance to take advantage of them. To make my opinion crystal clear, I can give an example from my country: if you feel like joining any entertainment clubs or bars, you do not have any access to those places unless you are 18 plus. Besides that, middle-aged people are good at understanding life. As a consequence, all these features lead to happiness. Therefore, it is said that adulthood years are happier than that of childhood. However, the merits of this opinion are hard to support. After looking at these two opposing views, it is felt that we tend to possess joyful times, days, years in childhood, it is hoped that children will be probably encouraged by their parents to have a great time in their childhood. Life is not always a bowl of cherries.
It is quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
stands for various meanings depending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. On the one hand, there is a school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that we have a great chance to have the feeling of happiness in teen years,
on the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
those who maintain that adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
provides us with the opportunity of happiness. The merits of these both arguments will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a conclusion
is decided
upon.

Firstly
, it
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under eighteen enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
considerably
more than mature ones.
For example
, their duties consist of going to school, playing outside with their peers,
in addition
to this, when they want
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
items like toys, bicycle
as well
as edible stuff like an ice cream
are provided
by their parents.
Besides
, they are not responsible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues such as family-relating and financial problems.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
As a result
, all these factors contribute them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
pleasure from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over 18.
Thus
, the heightened benefits of this point can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that there is a wide range of things which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
adults have a chance to take advantage of them. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
my opinion crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, I can give an example from my country: if you feel like joining any entertainment clubs or bars, you do not have any access to those places unless you are 18 plus.
Besides
that, middle-aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at understanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. As a consequence, all these features lead to happiness.
Therefore
, it
is said
that adulthood years are happier than that of childhood.
However
, the merits of this opinion are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to support.

After looking at these two opposing views, it
is felt
that we tend to possess joyful times, days, years in childhood, it
is hoped
that children will be
probably
encouraged by their parents to have a great time in their childhood.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
is not always a bowl of cherries.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest of our lives, while others believe that adult life brings more happiness. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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