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Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest of our lives, while others believe that adult life brings more happiness. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest of our lives, while others believe that adult life brings more happiness. v. 1
Being happy is the main goal of the life, but happiness is a hard thing to always have. However, the meaning of happiness depends on a person’s character. Some people argue that the happiest time of the life is the adulthood or the adolescence. Adults differ from the teenagers with the responsibilities that they took. Therefore, it seems to me that the teenage years can be happiest time of our lives. In the teenage years, happiness is not a thing to think about it. However, when they grow up and look back to their life, many of them believe that was the greatest times. Because, many adolescents, which live with their family, must not take big responsibilities like earning money. They just have to go to the school thus waking up early can be their classic problem. In addition, they really have a huge free time to spend with their friends. For example, the teenagers can read more books than adults and they can visit more places like museums, theatres. On the other hand, older people can be happier than young ones because of being successful in the life. For instance, they earn their own money that makes them economically independent. This independence from parents give a power to make real their dreams like travelling the world. However, the problem is having more responsibilities in the job, in the daily life and also having no time for many things. These reasons prevent adults to live a happy life as teenagers. To summarise, happiness can change from people to people because everyone has a different character to be happy. Many people discuss about the happiest time of the life is the teenage years or the adulthood. In my opinion, the teenagers are happier than adults because of not taking any responsibilities.
Being happy is the main goal of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
thing to always have.
However
, the meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
depends on a person’s character.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the happiest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is the adulthood or the adolescence.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Adults
differ from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
that they took.
Therefore
, it seems to me that the teenage years can be
A determiner is probably missing here: "the happiest".
happiest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In the teenage years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is not a thing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about it.
However
, when they grow up and look back to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them believe that was the greatest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adolescents, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their family,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
like earning money. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to the school
thus
waking up early can be their classic problem.
In addition
, they
really
have a huge free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with their friends.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
can read more books than
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
adults and
they can visit more places like museums,
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
.

On the other hand
, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be happier than young ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of being successful in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For instance
, they earn their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
money that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
economically
independent. This independence from parents give a power to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
real their dreams like travelling the world.
However
, the problem is having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
in the job, in the daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
also
having no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things. These reasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyone has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
character to be happy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
happiest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is the teenage years or the adulthood. In my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are happier than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of not taking any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest of our lives, while others believe that adult life brings more happiness. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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