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Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest of our lives, while others believe that adult life brings more happiness. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest of our lives, while others believe that adult life brings more happiness. v. 2
Life is a journey in which every phase is welcomed and cherished. However, some believe that teenage age allows you to enjoy the perks of life with no responsibilities, whereas, others, including me, oppose this opinion with the thought that self-dependency and financial independence in the adult phase allow to taste the life in its best way. There are individuals who praise their teenage life the most and want to relive it again. The emotion arises due to no fear of life kind of attitude during that phase. Young adults usually are free from household responsibilities and are entirely dependant upon their parents for financial support. They live in present and witness every second of their life to enjoy it to its fullest. Recently, in a face-off show, the talk between a teenager and an old individual depicted that the young adults carry no guilt, sorrow or the truth of dying one day, but only memories of the small things happening around them. On the other hand, the thought that adults have more happiness in their basket come from the sense of being financially independent with lots of goals and enthusiasm to fulfil that. Adults as per the constitution have rights to take their own decision and hence, are least poked by others. This allows them to balance their personal and professional life, and spare time to chill with family and friends or go out for solo trips, vacations and do things that they want. To illustrate, in a travel booking survey, it was found that, adults have become the high emerging business for travel company's development of reason the reason may be their work or fun. In conclusion, though both the ages have their own kind of happiness, adults are more self-dependent(financially as well as physically) to understand the life and enjoy the way it is, at their own accord.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
is
The usual preposition for "a journey" with a named destination is "to". Did you mean "a trip to"?
a journey in
which every phase
is welcomed
and cherished.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that teenage age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
you to enjoy the perks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with no responsibilities, whereas, others, including me, oppose this opinion with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that self-dependency and financial independence in the adult phase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to taste the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in its best way.

There are individuals who praise their teenage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
the most and want to relive it again. The emotion arises due to no fear of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
kind of attitude during that phase. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
The adverb 'usually' usually goes after the verb 'are'.
usually are
free from household responsibilities and are
entirely
Possible spelling mistake found.
dependant
upon their parents for financial support. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in present and witness every second of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to enjoy it to its fullest. Recently, in a face-off
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
, the talk between a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
and an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
individual depicted that the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
carry no guilt, sorrow or the truth of dying one day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
memories of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
things happening around them.

On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
have more happiness in their basket
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from the sense of being
financially
independent with lots of goals and enthusiasm to fulfil that.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Adults
as per the constitution have rights to take their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decision and
hence
, are least poked by others. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to balance their personal and professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and spare time to chill with family and friends or go out for solo trips, vacations and do things that they want. To illustrate, in a travel booking survey, it
was found
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
have become the high emerging business for travel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's development of reason the reason may be their work or fun.

In conclusion
, though both the ages have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
kind of happiness,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are more self-dependent(
financially
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
physically
) to understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and enjoy the way it is, at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
accord.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest of our lives, while others believe that adult life brings more happiness. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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