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In many cities, Many people are living in large apartments blocks. Does this accommodation have more advantages or disadvantages v.1

In many cities, Many people are living in large apartments blocks. Does this accommodation have more advantages or disadvantages v. 1
Nowadays, the population is increasing immensely, People who are working in the cities are likely to live in the apartments people consider it very cheap and very near to the office surroundings However some humans consider living in the apartments is quite dangerous due to blaze outcomes can spoil their precious lives. Which will be elucidated in this essay. Firstly, People is willing to come cities for the work so they want some place to live rather than going individual houses they are planning to go for low rate houses which saves their money so they prefer flats. For instance, I am living in rural areas for my education my parents moved to the town. We do not want to spend more money at home so we likely to choose an apartment, however In apartments we do not get facilities like the gym and swimming. People also suffer for the space due to small houses. I personally feel that people are expected to spend more money on products and education rather than living in individual houses. Secondly, Living in the apartments also cause some catastrophic. Having so many flats, There is a chance of robbery and we should think about that In addition to this there is a chance of heat outcomes. For example, My friend living in the top floor there is inferno break out in the kitchen due to this total apartment gone under fire due to this person suffered a lot of injuries. We should be very careful when you are living in the apartments We should probably have security person and bonfire extinguishers. In conclusion, Impending days People are expecting more apartments to live which helps them to stay close to work places. But people should always aware of the robbery and bonfire outcomes when they are living in the apartments.
Nowadays, the population is increasing
immensely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who are working in the cities are likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
near to the office surroundings
However
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
humans consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
is quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to blaze outcomes can spoil their precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
will
be elucidated
in this essay.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
cities for the work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they want
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
rather
than going individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
they are planning to go for low rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
which saves their money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they prefer flats.

For instance
, I am
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in rural areas for my education my parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to the town. We do not want to spend more money at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we likely to choose an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
,
however
In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
we do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
facilities like the gym and swimming.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
also
suffer for the space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. I
personally
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to spend more money on products and education
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Living
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
also
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
catastrophic. Having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
flats, There is a chance of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
robbery and
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about that
In addition
to this there is a chance of heat outcomes.
For example
, My friend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the top floor there is inferno break out in the kitchen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to this total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
gone under fire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to this person suffered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
injuries. We should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
careful when you are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
We should
probably
have security person and bonfire extinguishers.

In conclusion
, Impending days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are expecting more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to stay close to work places.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should always aware of the robbery and bonfire outcomes when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay In many cities, Many people are living in large apartments blocks. Does this accommodation have more advantages or disadvantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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