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Some people have the same type of job throughout their lifetime, while other prefer to change the type of job they do. Discuss why people choose to do both and give your opinion? v.2

Some people have the same type of job throughout their lifetime, while other prefer to change the type of job they do. Discuss why people choose to do both and give your opinion? v. 2
Employment is essential for everyone for living. Certain individual does the same job throughout their Life, whereas opponents like to change frequently. I strongly support the latter idea of changing because it brings professional growth. On the one hand, people believe in moving from one position to another because of career growth and I agree. Usually when an applicant is hired, he is offered a post with a salary slab and gradually when he performs well, he is transferred to a higher position which will not only provides seniority but also offered monetary benefits. Often the employee gets stuck in one position waiting to rise and other applicant do not like to wait. They take a risk of moving from one company to another in anticipation of both of this main reason. for instance, In USA, Software engineer usually gets hired as a junior engineer and when he jumps to another organisation and accordingly he is offered a senior post. On the other hand, People are on the same job and till the end of the life they work in the same because with the fear of risk. Applicant when they get into a employment with certain skill they stick to that organisation and go on doing the same work. They are feared of taking risks to move to organisation as they lack of skill or fear of losing the existing job. for instance, My uncle got employment in a company through recommendation and he continued in the same position till the retirement age as he possesses very less knowledge to move into another organisation to compete. Hence he ends up in the same company till last day. In conclusion, People may vary in their opinions, I completely agree for frequently changing the job as it provides career development and in addition it also help in building confidence.
Employment is essential for everyone for living. Certain individual does the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
throughout their Life, whereas opponents like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
frequently
. I
strongly
support the latter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of changing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it brings professional growth.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe in moving from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
to another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of career growth and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.
Usually
when an applicant
is hired
, he
is offered
a post with a salary slab and
gradually
when he performs well, he
is transferred
to a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
which will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provides seniority
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
offered monetary benefits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
the employee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
stuck in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
waiting to rise and other applicant do not like to wait. They take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of moving from one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to another in anticipation of both of this main reason.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance, In USA, Software engineer
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
hired as a junior engineer and when he jumps to another
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
and
accordingly
he
is offered
a senior post.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are on the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and till the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the life they work in the same
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
with the fear of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
. Applicant when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
employment with certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
they stick to that
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
and go on doing the same work. They
are feared
of taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
as they lack of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
or fear of losing the existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance, My uncle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
employment in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
through
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
recommendation and
he continued in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
till the retirement age as he possesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less knowledge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into another
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
to compete.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
he ends up in the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
till last day.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
may vary in their opinions, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
for
frequently
changing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as it provides career development and
in addition
it
also
Did you mean "helps"?
help
in building confidence.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Some people have the same type of job throughout their lifetime, while other prefer to change the type of job they do. Discuss why people choose to do both and give your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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