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People thought that human race is steadily improving in every area of life. in which area do you think we have made important progress nowadays? In which area do you think we still need to make progress. v.1

People thought that human race is steadily improving in every area of life. in which area do you think we have made important progress nowadays? In which area do you think we still need to make progress. v. 1
Innovations and inventions play an indispensable role in the life of a human being and their importance cannot be turned a blind eye to. An improvement is made by masses in several fields; however, development is still needed in some areas. This essay will highlight both developed and underdeveloped areas. To begin with, technology is considered as the best development till date. With the invention of the internet and other devices ranging from mobile phones, cameras to laptops world has now become a global village where people of different nations, regions can connect with each other, gain information about tradition and customs of any particular place without going outside their home. Moreover, remarkable breakthrough is achieved in the field of education with the introduction of online classes. Since these classes are free of cost or charge only minimum amount, it provides a great aid to pupils by learning from their favourite mentors from any part of the world. Furthermore, lie detectors, speed cameras, CCTV cameras provide great relief in maintenance of law and order. For instance, if CCTV camera is present at the place of the incident, it would be easy to detect the offender. Last but not least, because of enhanced seeds, fertilizers and agricultural machinery which play vital role in improving the yield of crops, people have a great variety of edible these days as compared to the past. Switching over to the other part, although many innovations there are some fields where more improvement is required. Such as in the field of medicine, besides advanced surgery equipments or laser techniques of operation there are introduced, but some diseases are beyond the control of mankind. For example, cancer is one of the diseases it is controlled at some extent but not fully eradicated. Hence development is still essential in this field. To recapitulate, it can be said that although human race made inevitable progress in almost all aspects of life, yet there are some areas where more significant progress is crucial.
Innovations and inventions play an indispensable role in the life of a human being and their importance cannot
be turned
a blind eye to. An improvement
is made
by masses in several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
;
however
, development is
still
needed in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas. This essay will highlight both developed and underdeveloped areas.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, technology
is considered
as the best development till date. With the invention of the internet and other devices ranging from mobile phones,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
to laptops world has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become a global village where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations, regions can connect with each other, gain information about tradition and customs of any particular place without going outside their home.
Moreover
, remarkable breakthrough
is achieved
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of education with the introduction of online classes. Since these classes are free of cost or charge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
minimum amount, it provides a great aid to pupils by learning from their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
mentors from any part of the world.

Furthermore
, lie detectors, speed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
, CCTV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
provide great relief in maintenance of law and order.
For instance
, if CCTV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
is present at the place of the incident, it would be easy to detect the offender. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of enhanced seeds, fertilizers and agricultural machinery which play vital role in improving the yield of crops,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a great variety of edible these days as compared to the past.

Switching over to the other part, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
innovations there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
where more improvement
is required
. Such as in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of medicine,
besides
advanced surgery equipments or laser techniques of operation there
are introduced
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases are beyond the control of mankind.
For example
, cancer is one of the diseases it
is controlled
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
fully
eradicated.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
development is
still
essential in this field.

To recapitulate, it can
be said
that although human race made inevitable progress in almost all aspects of life,
yet
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas where more significant progress is crucial.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay People thought that human race is steadily improving in every area of life. in which area do you think we have made important progress nowadays? In which area do you think we still need to make progress. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
333 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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