Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In spite of the advantages made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry? Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v.1

In spite of the advantages made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry? Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 1
Advancements in agriculture are increasing as years pass. However, there are still people who are unable to satisfy their hunger. One main cause for this crisis is that the population of the world is increasing rapidly and cure for this problem is to increase the productivity and satisfy the demand. Firstly, the predominant reason for this crisis is the fast rise up in the population of the world. As the population increases the requirement for food also increases. As a result of that, we could not maintain a balance between the need and production. If this situation persist for a long time it will lead us to a problematic state. For example, consider a place where there are 100 people, but the food supply is not sufficient to satisfy all the 100. This will automatically produce a conflict and fight between the people. So, hunger plays a vital role in maintaining peace in the country. Secondly, the cure for the above mentioned problem is to increase the productivity and we should try to satisfy the demand. There are a lot of ways to increase the cultivation of food crops. One of the efficient ways is, the government should encourage people to form a roof garden in their own apartment or house. By doing so they could reduce the amount of vegetables and fruits which they buy from the market. As an illustration, there is a small town in India called Kancheepuram in that place people are producing a fraction of fruits and veggies which they need in their own house. By doing so, they are saving a lot of money and also decreasing their requirement. To conclude, there are still people who can’t have a single meal for the day. We all should make the world a better place for them to live. We can achieve that goal by reducing our demand and increasing our productivity.
Advancements in agriculture are increasing as years pass.
However
, there are
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are unable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfy
their hunger. One main cause for this crisis is that the population of the world is increasing
rapidly
and cure for this problem is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the productivity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfy
the demand.

Firstly
, the predominant reason for this crisis is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
rise up in the population of the world. As the population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
the requirement for food
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
.
As a result
of that, we could not maintain a balance between the need and production. If
The verb 'persist' is plural. Did you mean: "this situation persists"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this situation persist
for a long time it will lead us to a problematic state.
For example
, consider a place where there are 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the food supply is not sufficient to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfy
all the 100. This will
automatically
produce a conflict and fight between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, hunger plays a vital role in maintaining peace in the country.

Secondly
, the cure for the above mentioned problem is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
productivity and
we should try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfy
the demand. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
ways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the cultivation of food crops. One of the efficient ways is, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to form a roof garden in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
apartment or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of vegetables and fruits which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
from the market. As an illustration, there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town in India called
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kancheepuram
in that place
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are producing a fraction of fruits and veggies which they need in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they are saving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money and
also
decreasing their requirement.

To conclude
, there are
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can’t have a single meal for the day. We all should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world a better place for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. We can achieve that goal by reducing our demand and increasing our productivity.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In spite of the advantages made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry? Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts