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Many people are optimistic of the 21st century and see it as an opportunity to make positive changes to the world. To what extent do you share their optimism? What changes would you like to see in the new century? v.1

Many people are optimistic of the 21st century and see it as an opportunity to make positive changes to the world. What changes would you like to see in the new century? v. 1
There is no doupt that optimism towards 21st century and its viability to enhance the world is a great concern, especially with the background of rapidly developing technologies I think there are valid arguments for both, approving and diminishing this optimism. Firstly, the unevitable rise of global problems prevents making rapid improvements to the world. As a result, it will take more than a century to make meaningful positive changes. For instance, global warming causes variety of other issues that humanity has to eliminate first. In addition, part of the humanity that hold most of the money is not interested in solving these problems, because it is a possible source of income that can be exploited. Take for example building companies that may have to work twice due to earthquakes or floods. Lastly, making any changes requires time to see the results, especially speaking of the world itself, that can not be altered quickly by human means. On the other hand, development of new technologies opens new opportunities to humanity, especially for bringing positive changes to the world. A good example would be water filtration system or environmentally friendly cars. As a predictable outcome, environment would recover from damage caused by humanity over the last few decades. Furthermore, even the small action like planting a tree are already considered to be positive and have significant effect on the world. Lastly, these alterations should not be considered to be only in the field of environment. Thus, enhancing society or other sectors are also considered to be positive alteratior. Consequently, almost any beneficial deed is contributing to the world and can be considered positive. However, positive changes in the environment and medicine are most appreciable. Overall, I believe that new century allows new positive alternations to take place, without any aberrations preventing improvements.
There is no
Possible spelling mistake found.
doupt
that optimism towards 21st century and its viability to enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is a great concern,
especially
with the background of
rapidly
developing technologies I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are valid arguments for both, approving and diminishing this optimism.

Firstly
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
unevitable
rise of global problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
making rapid improvements to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
As a result
, it will take more than a century to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
meaningful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
.
For instance
, global warming causes variety of other issues that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humanity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
eliminate
first
.
In addition
, part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humanity
that hold most of the money is not interested in solving these problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a possible source of income that can
be exploited
. Take
for example
building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work twice due to earthquakes or floods.
Lastly
, making any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
requires time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the results,
especially
speaking of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
itself, that can not
be altered
quickly
by human means.

On the other hand
, development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technologies opens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humanity
,
especially
for bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example would be water filtration system or
environmentally
friendly cars. As a predictable outcome, environment would recover from damage caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humanity
over the last few decades.
Furthermore
, even the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
action like planting a tree are already
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
considered
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
and have significant effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Lastly
, these alterations should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
considered
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the field of environment.
Thus
, enhancing society or other sectors are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
considered
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
Possible spelling mistake found.
alteratior
.
Consequently
, almost any beneficial deed is contributing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
considered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in the environment and medicine are most appreciable.

Overall
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
century
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
alternations to take place, without any aberrations preventing improvements.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many people are optimistic of the 21st century and see it as an opportunity to make positive changes to the world. What changes would you like to see in the new century? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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