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Life in the 21st century is better than the previous century To what extent do you agree or disagree Give reasons and support with relevant examples v.1

Life in the 21st century is better than the previous century Give reasons and support with relevant examples v. 1
Gone are the days when lifestyle was much simpler but at present, the journey of human beings from forest survival to victory over moon speaks the story of a massive success of mankind. On account of this, life is believed to be much superior in this century as compare to last century. Here, I would like to accord with the given statement at a larger extent. There are manifold points to shore up my point of view. First and foremost, unlike past, human lifestyle is pampered in the lap of technology. To demonstrate, nowadays, advanced technical inventions such as 4G mobile phone, latest computers, internet and television are contributing remarkably to uplift the standard of work, education, business and trade worldwide. Doing work much faster than ever before with greater accuracy, building up commercial network, transferring data, money transactions, online billing, shopping and education has been possible due to the existence of such inventions. By contrast, in previous century, such inventions were not so advanced and people were not benefited with the fast services. Thus, life is supposed to be much comfortable and luxury in current century. Further emphasizing on my point of view, in this modern era, the treatments of some fatal ailments such as cancer, aids, TB have been discovered by the medical teams to save the lives of patients. Whereas, in the former century, people were dying out in the absence of such cures. At present, globlization is spreading its roots and therefore the nations of whole world are interested in developing social, commercial, political and cultural relationships. Consequently, global friendships growing in the entire globe are leading to a great development in the fields of business, education, technology, sports, trade and so on. On the contrary, opposite wind is also there. To commence with, in the previous century, people had quality lifestyle as there were no problems of pollution, global warming, traffic and health. While, in 21st century, the concerns related to environment, health and lifestyle are on the elevation and the quality of lifestyle is being degraded enormously. To be specific, every year, rising level of temperature is resulting into melting of glaciers as a consequence, floods, tsunami and other natural calamities are occurring frequently, leading to mass destruction and loss of property. The concerns of air pollution, traffic, crowd, noise and inflation have also got on nerves of people. Ultimately, the superiority of lifestyle is getting to be inferior. To recapitulate, undeniably, human beings are witnessing some severe problems in this modern context. However, the lifestyle is facilitated significantly and can be considered better than the former age.
Gone
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
the days when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
simpler
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at present, the journey of human beings from forest survival to victory over moon speaks the story of a massive success of mankind. On account of this, life
is believed
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
superior in this century as compare to last century. Here, I would like to accord with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement at a larger extent.

There are manifold points to shore up my point of view.
First
and foremost, unlike past, human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is pampered
in the lap of technology. To demonstrate, nowadays, advanced technical inventions such as 4G mobile phone,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
computers, internet and television are contributing
remarkably
to uplift the standard of work, education, business and trade worldwide. Doing work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
faster than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
with greater accuracy, building up commercial network, transferring data, money transactions, online billing, shopping and education has been possible due to the existence of such inventions. By contrast, in previous century, such inventions were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
advanced and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were not benefited with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
services.
Thus
, life
is supposed
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
comfortable and luxury in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
century.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
emphasizing on my point of view, in this modern era, the treatments of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fatal ailments such as cancer, aids, TB have
been discovered
by the medical teams to save the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of patients. Whereas, in the former century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were dying out in the absence of such cures. At present,
Possible spelling mistake found.
globlization
is spreading its roots and
therefore
the nations of whole world
are interested
in developing social, commercial, political and cultural relationships.
Consequently
, global friendships growing in the entire globe are leading to a great development in the fields of business, education, technology, sports, trade and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
On the contrary
, opposite wind is
also
there.

To commence with, in the previous century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
as there were no problems of pollution, global warming, traffic and health. While, in 21st century, the concerns related to environment, health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
are on the elevation and the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is
being degraded
enormously
. To be specific, every year, rising level of temperature is resulting into melting of glaciers as a consequence, floods, tsunami and other natural calamities are occurring
frequently
, leading to mass destruction and loss of property. The concerns of air pollution, traffic, crowd, noise and inflation have
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
on nerves of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Ultimately
, the superiority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is getting to be inferior.

To recapitulate,
undeniably
, human beings are witnessing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
severe problems in this modern context.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is facilitated
significantly
and can
be considered
better than the former age.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Life in the 21st century is better than the previous century Give reasons and support with relevant examples v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
434 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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